Dead jokes

My name is Gunter.

Gunter Gunter is dead.

Gunter Gunter stuffed my cat's head. ;D

Damn! Really stole my friend's glasses. Well, now they're blind, but not really, they're dead.

What is the difference between onions and my dead grandma?

I cried when I cut up the onions.

Teacher: What do you kids want to be when you grow up?

Kid 1: I want to be a firefighter.

Kid 2: I want to be a police officer.

Kid 3: I want to be dead like both my parents.

Teacher: Ok, everyone pull out your books.

Kid 4: Are we going to ignore what he said?

Teacher: What do you want me to do? Call his parents?

Why can't dinosaurs clap? Because they're dead!

What's black and white, black and white, black and white, black and white...? A dead nun rolling down a hill.

Anonymous 1: Why are you crying?

Anonymous 2: No, buddy, come to my finral.

I didn't steal it. 🌚

X: Morning, sunshine!

Y: Oh, yeah. 30 minutes more.

After I am dead during my funeral service, I want someone to play my favorite song by Boy George and Culture Club, "Church of the Poison Mind."

What's the difference between a dump truck of dead babies and a Ferrari?

I don't own a Ferrari.

Me: Hey, wanna know my spirit animal?

Friend: Sure.

Me: Roadkill, because I can see my mom pretty clearly now.

Friend: Wait, aren't you dead?

Me: Aren't you my son?

Friend: So that's what Mom was trying to hide from me.

Q: How do you make a fire?

A: Oil and dead babies.

How many dead babies does it take to clean my refrigerator?.....it gotta be more than 4 because the fridge is still dirty.

What’s better than swinging a dead baby in circles over your head with a 5 foot rope?

Stopping it with a shovel.

You know what should give up and stay dead?

Fortnite.

Ukraine be like dead children...

RUSSIA BE LIKE DEAD GENERALS!

You didn't know that Helen Keller is dead? It's fine; neither does she.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Not your dad.

Obi-Wan be like:

"To Darth Maul, lightsabers are blue, lightsabers are red. I cut you in half, why the fuck aren’t you dead?"

"My parents are dead, lol," said the orphan.