Dead jokes
Teacher: What do you want when you grow up?
That depressed kid in class: Dead.
The emo kid wanted a high five. I left him hanging, so did the tree.
Yo mama's so stinky that whenever she walks into a building, the flies drop dead!
What is the difference between onions and my dead grandma?
I cried when I cut up the onions.
Damn! Really stole my friend's glasses. Well, now they're blind, but not really, they're dead.
Damn.
What is worse than a dead baby in a trash can?
100 dead babies in a trash can.
What is worse than that?
There's a live one at the bottom.
What is worse than that?
It eats its way out.
What is worse than that?
It comes back for seconds.
Gvido gubis.
My name is Gunter.
Gunter Gunter is dead.
Gunter Gunter stuffed my cat's head. ;D
How do skeletons make love?
They bone each other!
My dad drove past a graveyard. He said, "I won't be buried there." I asked why.
He said, "Because I am not dead yet!"
Teacher: What do you kids want to be when you grow up?
Kid 1: I want to be a firefighter.
Kid 2: I want to be a police officer.
Kid 3: I want to be dead like both my parents.
Teacher: Ok, everyone pull out your books.
Kid 4: Are we going to ignore what he said?
Teacher: What do you want me to do? Call his parents?
Why can't dinosaurs clap? Because they're dead!
Anonymous 1: Why are you crying?
Anonymous 2: No, buddy, come to my finral.
I didn't steal it. 🌚
X: Morning, sunshine!
Y: Oh, yeah. 30 minutes more.
Me: Hey, wanna know my spirit animal?
Friend: Sure.
Me: Roadkill, because I can see my mom pretty clearly now.
Friend: Wait, aren't you dead?
Me: Aren't you my son?
Friend: So that's what Mom was trying to hide from me.
Q: How do you make a fire?
A: Oil and dead babies.
After I am dead during my funeral service, I want someone to play my favorite song by Boy George and Culture Club, "Church of the Poison Mind."
What's the difference between a dump truck of dead babies and a Ferrari?
I don't own a Ferrari.
How many dead babies does it take to clean my refrigerator?.....it gotta be more than 4 because the fridge is still dirty.
What’s better than swinging a dead baby in circles over your head with a 5 foot rope?
Stopping it with a shovel.