Dead jokes

I still remember the third of December, me in your sweater. You said it looked better on me than it did you. Only if you knew how much I liked you. But I watch your eyes as she walks by. What a sight for sore eyes, Brighter than the blue sky. She's got you mesmerized while I die. Why would you ever kiss me? I'm not even half as pretty. You gave her your sweater, it's just polyester, But you like her better. Wish I were Heather. Watch as she stands with her, holding your hand. Put your arm 'round her shoulder, now I'm getting colder. But how could I hate her, she's such an angel. But then again, kinda wish she were dead as she walks by. What a sight for sore eyes. Brighter than the blue sky. She's got you mesmerized while I die. Why would you ever kiss me? I'm not even half as pretty. You gave her your sweater, it's just polyester, But you like her better. I wish I were Heather. Oh, I wish I were Heather. Oh, oh, wish I were Heather. Why would you ever kiss me? I'm not even half as pretty. You gave her your sweater, it's just polyester, But you like her better. Wish I were-

Why can't dinosaurs clap? Because they're dead!

What's black and white, black and white, black and white, black and white...? A dead nun rolling down a hill.

Anonymous 1: Why are you crying?

Anonymous 2: No, buddy, come to my finral.

I didn't steal it. 🌚

X: Morning, sunshine!

Y: Oh, yeah. 30 minutes more.

What's the difference between a dump truck of dead babies and a Ferrari?

I don't own a Ferrari.

Q: How do you make a fire?

A: Oil and dead babies.

After I am dead during my funeral service, I want someone to play my favorite song by Boy George and Culture Club, "Church of the Poison Mind."

Me: Hey, wanna know my spirit animal?

Friend: Sure.

Me: Roadkill, because I can see my mom pretty clearly now.

Friend: Wait, aren't you dead?

Me: Aren't you my son?

Friend: So that's what Mom was trying to hide from me.

How many dead babies does it take to clean my refrigerator?.....it gotta be more than 4 because the fridge is still dirty.

What’s better than swinging a dead baby in circles over your head with a 5 foot rope?

Stopping it with a shovel.

When you have a box of dead babies in your garage and one of them is alive at the bottom and has to eat its way out but goes back for seconds.

Boy: I'm dead.

Girl: Is that why you're so ugly?

Boy: No, I was just born this way.

I gave a deaf kid AirPods.

Emo chick: "I wish I could feel dead inside!"

The kid named Dead: "😄😄😄"

A kid came to the orphanage with a dead fish. She was crying.

Why was the kid crying in the orphanage? Because someone came for the fish.

I dumped the dead, disabled person's body into a dumpster full of rats.

Roses are red,

I am dead.

You could call me wet, or I will keep your dread.

Follow me.

I heard a noise, so I'm dead.

Why did Jesus come back from the dead? He forgot to tell you that you're gay!