Dead jokes
How do you tell when your wife is dead?
The sex is the same, but the dishes pile up.
Two men were on a hike through a forest when one of the hikers got bit on his ass by a snake.
The other hiker ran to the village 2 miles away and explained to a doctor there what had happened. The doctor told him to cut a cross with a knife where he had been bitten and suck out the venom, so he ran back to the first hiker who asked him, "Have you got the cure?"
Hiker number two just said, "Nah mate, you're dead."
What's yellow and can't swim?
A school bus full of dead babies.
What's the difference between Donald Trump and an orange?
The orange tastes good.
Why did the shark fisherman stop at the abortion clinic?
Because dead babies make the best chum! :)
Memes
I FAMOUS NOW GUYS
Baby Shark be like, "It's the END," bruh, they dead.
I like my girlfriends like my children: dead.
What do you call an Indian person who is not starving? Dead.
Why doesn't Helen Keller's boyfriend like having sex with her?
'Cause she just lies there like she's dead.
What is the difference between onions and my dead grandma?
I cried when I cut up the onions.
What is worse than a dead baby in a trash can?
100 dead babies in a trash can.
What is worse than that?
There's a live one at the bottom.
What is worse than that?
It eats its way out.
What is worse than that?
It comes back for seconds.
Gvido gubis.
Damn! Really stole my friend's glasses. Well, now they're blind, but not really, they're dead.
Teacher: What do you want when you grow up?
That depressed kid in class: Dead.
The emo kid wanted a high five. I left him hanging, so did the tree.
What do you call a cat with two legs instead of four?
Dead and without use, that's what I feel like.
A dead Russian is Trump's accountant.
"Russian" twists into a ditch, dead!
Q: What did one snake say to the other?
A: Nothing because they are both dead.
My dad drove past a graveyard. He said, "I won't be buried there." I asked why.
He said, "Because I am not dead yet!"