Darkness jokes
Do you have dark humor?
Actually, never mind. I was going to tell you a joke about babies dying... but I decided to abort.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends how hard you throw them.
Why can't Sally swing?
Because she has no arms.
Knock knock, "Who's there?", not Sally.
Where did Sally go when the bombs dropped?
Everywhere.
Is necrophilia considered cracking open a cold one?
I will always remember my dad's last words....
"15 dollars and I'll jump."
*bowl of dark grapes*
Friend 1: I like my grapes how I like my men.
Friend 2: Black? Good one.
Friend 1: 21 at a time.
Many years of sex in the dark.
The wife finds out he was using a dildo. The wife gets angry and says, "Explain the dildo, prick!"
The husband says, "Explain the children, bitch!"
What do you call a white girl that can run faster than her brothers?
The redneck virgin.
What is it called when you hit your funny bone at night?
Dark humor.
Children in the dark make mistakes.
Mistakes in the dark make children.
What time is it when it gets dark out?
Bed time.
How many kids does it take to change a lightbulb?
Apparently not 27. Because my basement's still dark...
What is more dangerous than Russian gangs?
Russian malls.
How did they know Princess Diana had dandruff?
Because they found her Head and Shoulders in the glove compartment!
Helen Keller walked into a bar.
Then a table.
Then a chair.
Why were the Middle Ages called the Dark Ages?
Because there were too many knights.
This joke is so dark, I need life.
If I was an object in this world, I’d be a glass! Because if you leave me when I’m too close to the edge, I will likely shatter and break.
If I was a pizza topping, I would be pineapple! Because everybody doubts me.
I’m a star! Because one of these days, I’m going to crash and burn...
If I could choose what creature I come back as after I die, I’d be a panda, because people would give a shit if I went extinct.
I’m like the sun; I’m painful to look at.
If I was a food, I would be chopped liver because nobody likes me.
I’m like an eggshell... broken and empty.
If I was a mythical creature, I’d be a unicorn! Because nobody believes in me.
I’m like a flashlight with old batteries inside because my inner light died a long time ago.
My soul is a raisin because it’s dried up, shriveled, and not everyone likes it.
I’m like the moon because you only get to see one side of me.
I’m like the moon because as the month progresses, my life becomes covered more and more by darkness.
I’m like an extremely powerful fan! Because I push everyone away.
I’m like a disposable camera! People use me once and then just throw me away.
I’m like a shitty book cover... because people think they have the right to judge and label me before they read my pages.
My brain and body is essentially a really old married couple that can’t afford to go through with the divorce, and now they are stuck in a toxic relationship they are desperate to escape, but the more they try, the more they sink into the quicksand that is my depression and anxiety.
Help me...
Spongebob is yellow, and he can't drive.
Must be Asian.
Did you know that Helen Keller had a dog?
Well, neither did she!