When I'm cutting my grass, want to know what it reminds me of? My arms and legs.
Darkness Jokes
What's the difference between dark humor and morbid humor? Dark humor would be saying, "ten babies in one trashcan." Morbid humor would be saying, "one baby in ten trashcans."
Do you have dark humor?
Actually, never mind. I was going to tell you a joke about babies dying... but I decided to abort.
Let’s say there’s a person who should have never come to exist. How would you find them?
A: Look in a mirror.
Dark jokes are like Antarctica.
They're cold.
Why is dark spelt with a K and not a C?
Because they can’t see their parents.
Many years of sex in the dark.
The wife finds out he was using a dildo. The wife gets angry and says, "Explain the dildo, prick!"
The husband says, "Explain the children, bitch!"
What do you do when a person with epilepsy gets seizures in the bathtub? Throw in some laundry.
Dark humor is like a kid with cancer.
It never gets old.
I hate jokes about 9/11... every joke has the tendency to crash and burn.
"I didn't get the joke at first, but then it hit me like a plane," the joke was so dark a cop almost shot it.
Why do orphans hate the color black? Because it reminds them of their dark history.
Why does dark humor love orphans? Because the humor killed their parents.
The more suicidal people there are, the less suicidal people there are... Woah!
A man and a boy are walking into a forest. It begins to get dark. The boy says "Mister, I'm scared." The man replies "How do you think I feel, I have to walk back alone."
What does food and dark humour have in common?
Not everybody gets it.
How many dead prostitutes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
More than three because the basement is still dark!
I sometimes want rampage, but what good would that do?
I look for a way out, but there's not even a light shining through.
The times where all is dark, are the times that I need a mark.
Though people say that nobody will care, the truth is: there's always one who's fair.
That person may not be the one you expect, but I am here with a passion to redirect.
Once there was a time where I tried to end it all, because I only looked on the dark side.
Truth was I wanted to be heard, to be respected, to let someone know.
But that was in the past and this isn't about my dark ride, it's time for others to know that only a few words, can extinguish a glow.
I want coffee like my men.
Dark.
*bowl of dark grapes*
Friend 1: I like my grapes how I like my men.
Friend 2: Black? Good one.
Friend 1: 21 at a time.
Wanna see something dark?
Close your eyes.
