20 years of sex in the dark the wife find out he was using a dildo the wife get angry and says ¨explain the dildo prick¨ the husband says ¨explain the children bitch

So my parents were telling me about this dark joke they made 17 years ago, but they didn’t actually tell me the joke.

I like my women like I like my coffee

Dark,Rich, and Imported

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a ravishing blonde and an old lady are sharing a compartment on a train as it winds its way through the Alps. Every now and then the train passes through a tunnel, during which time the compartment is plunged into complete darkness. On one such occasion, a ringing slap is heard and as the train passes back into daylight, the Frenchman is rubbing his sore, red cheek.

The old lady thinks, “I bet that dirty Frenchman fondled the blonde and she struck the pervert.”

The blonde thinks, “I bet that filthy Frenchman was looking to grope me in the dark, mistook the old lady for me and she slapped him.”

The Frenchman thinks, “I bet that perfidious Englishman touched up the blonde in the dark and she slapped me by mistake.”

The Englishman thinks, “I can’t wait for another tunnel so I can slap that French twat again.”

Why did they invent glow in the dark condoms So gay guys can play star wars

Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn’t, I hit it with my car 3 blocks down

How many Microsoft programmers does it take to change a light bulb? - None, they declare darkness to be the new standard.

How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb? Must be more than 13, because my basement is still dark

All of these jokes are so dark, I’m surprised cops haven’t shot them.

What’s the hardest part about being a pedophile?

Fitting in.

Woman one: I got so mad at my GPS today that I told it to go to hell! Woman two: Did that work? Woman one: Well, it took me to my in-laws’ house.

What is it called when you hit your funny bone at night? Dark humor.

Why can’t orphans work at S.C Johnson?

B/c it is a FAMILY company 😂😂

What’s the difference between people and chocolate? I can still buy dark chocolate

If I was an object in this world I’d be a glass! Because if you leave me when I’m too close to the edge I will likely shatter and break.

If I was a pizza topping I would be pineapple! Because everybody doubts me.

I’m a star! Because one of these days I’m going to crash and burn…

If I could choose what creature I come back as after I die I’d be a panda, because people would give a shit if I went extinct.

I’m like the sun; I’m painful to look at.

If I was a food I would be chopped liver because nobody likes me.

I’m like an eggshell… broken and empty.

If I was a mythical creature I’d be a unicorn! Because nobody believes in me.

I’m like a flashlight with old batteries inside because my inner light died a long time ago.

My soul is a raisin because it’s dried up shriveled, and not everyone likes it.

I’m like the moon because you only get to see one side of me.

I’m like the moon because as the month progresses my life becomes covered more and more by darkness.

I’m like an Ex streamly powerful fan! Because I push everyone away.

I’m like a disposable camera! People use me once and then just throw me away.

I’m like a shity book cover… because people think they have the right to judge and label me before they read my pages.

My brain and body is essentially a really old married couple that can’t afford to go through with the divorce and now they are stuck in a toxic relationship they are desperate to escape but the more they try the more they sink into the quicksand that is my depression and anxiety

Help me…

I’ll always remember my dads last words… Why do you have an axe we live in the city

dark jokes are like clean water, not everyone gets it.

How many babys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Must be more then 9 cause my basement is still dark

a dark joke is like a kid with cancer. it never gets old. I AM SO SORRY

I was with my blind friend, and he’s telling me “Yeah I can read braille”. So I hand him a Lego brick and ask him to read it. Apparently, Lego has been hiding a dark secret from us for years; as all their bricks read “Screw you, asshole”

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