Dais jokes

A teenage girl got a summer job dogsitting for a gigantic English Mastiff. She spent hours with the dog, and walked a little funny when she got home.

"What are you doing all day?"

"Knot a lot."

I have to say that Halloween is my favorite day...

Every time they see me, kids and mothers run away...

I don’t have a costume so please don’t reprimand...

When I open up the door, I’ve got my penis in my hand.

Hey guys, I haven't been on in like freaking forever! Sorry. Anyways, I love you, Emerald! :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDD I hope you're on!

Love you all. Hope you all have a nice day, Best regards, Koko, <3

Hi Alex, you will probably not see this till the morning, but I just wanted to say I have had fun since you were here. Also, thank you so much for protecting me and being there for me. And yeah, have a good day!

I had morning wood one day. Then my sister saw it and said, "I can help!"

Normal Kids: Today is a lovely day.

Emo kids: Here lies Chris, he shot himself!

Orphans have 363 days on a calendar because they don't have Mothers' or Fathers' Day.

I try and try every day, but 5 keep coming out. There's so money at this point my walls are built of babies.

One day this kid says to his dad, "Dad, they bully me at school."

His dad asks why, and the kid says, "They bully me because I got no hands."

Then his dad says, "Who would do such a thing like that? I want to know who they are. Point at them!"

Quote of the day:

Just one small positive thought in the morning can change your whole day.

[Comment your favorite fall beverage!]

Why did the flamingo cross the road?

Because it was the chicken's day off.

Why does an orphan's year only have 363 days? Because it's missing Mother's and Father's Day.

2001/9/11, that day was fire.

Why do orphans only have 363 days of the year?

Because they don't have a Mother's and Father's Day.

It's past April Fool's Day, and we still have a joke as president.

The bell rings, and Ana was about to leave, but the teacher said, "The bell doesn't dismiss you, I do."

The next day, Ana was late, and the teacher asked, "Why are you late?" Ana replied with, "The bell doesn't tell me when I should arrive, I do."

I've recently been treated with Asthma and have been prescribed penicillin. One day I was taking it and a man screaming "SUIII" came into the room and stole it! He thought the penicillin would give him penalties. I couldn't breathe, shame on you Penaldo for ruining my life!

Who needs Singles Day when you're single for the rest of your life!

My grandpa was the best soldier ever. He gunned down over 100 soldiers in his bunker during D-Day.

One morning I saw three kids were bullying one other kid because they didn't have a dad...

Later that day the three same kids were walking toward an orphanage. :)