Dais jokes

A teacher says to her class one day, "Whoever answers my next question can go home."

A boy throws his bag out the window.

The teacher asks, "Who just threw that?"

The boy says, "Me! I’m going home now."

There was a fire at my high school when I was in Year 7.

When the local newspaper interviewed my teacher, they asked her how she was seeing the "bright side" of it.

She said, "Well, at least our new students got a warm welcome!"

54 students died that day.

The other day my girlfriend asked me to hand her the red lipstick, so I handed her the dog.

So I walk into Orchids Of Asia. I come out three minutes later with the best massage of my life. What's the catch? Aye, there, matey, the catch of the day be crabs.

Why was the dog so stressed out?

It had a ruff day.

One day I was saw a kid sitting on the curb dressed in rags. I asked if he was an orphan. He said, “Yeah, what gave me away?” I said, “His parents.”

I named my dog Stone so that I can say to people that I throw stones every day.

My grandpa was the best soldier ever. He gunned down over 100 soldiers in his bunker during D-Day.

I've recently been treated with Asthma and have been prescribed penicillin. One day I was taking it and a man screaming "SUIII" came into the room and stole it! He thought the penicillin would give him penalties. I couldn't breathe, shame on you Penaldo for ruining my life!

I had morning wood one day. Then my sister saw it and said, "I can help!"

It's past April Fool's Day, and we still have a joke as president.

The bell rings, and Ana was about to leave, but the teacher said, "The bell doesn't dismiss you, I do."

The next day, Ana was late, and the teacher asked, "Why are you late?" Ana replied with, "The bell doesn't tell me when I should arrive, I do."

My grief counselor died the other day.

He was so good at his job, I don't even care.

April Fool's Day: Go tell an orphan their parents are back.

Orphan: Where... Oh.

Why does an orphan only have 363 days in a year? Because they don’t have mothers' and Father’s Day.

How long does it take a black woman to take out the trash?

About nine months and a day.

Your dad is so f**king fat that when he bends over and comes back up, it's the next day.

Orphans have 363 days on a calendar because they don't have Mothers' or Fathers' Day.

2001/9/11, that day was fire.

The worst part about working for the department of unemployment is when you get fired, you still have to show up the next day.