I went out to buy some camouflage shirts the other day. Couldn't find any.
Dais Jokes
The patient said, "When will this be over?"
The doctor said, "After you die."
The patient says, "Was that a morbid joke?"
The doctor says, "Well, um, actually, you'll die because we broke the needles and the cure."
The patient says, "Well, it's a bright day, maybe if you weren't clumsy!"
What's an orphan's least favorite day? Take your kid to work day.
What does an orphan do on school parents' day? Nothing.
There was a fire at my high school when I was in Year 7.
When the local newspaper interviewed my teacher, they asked her how she was seeing the "bright side" of it.
She said, "Well, at least our new students got a warm welcome!"
54 students died that day.
One day I asked my mom where kids came from. She said the man who went to the milk store.
Five years later, he came back and left again.
A teacher says to her class one day, "Whoever answers my next question can go home."
A boy throws his bag out the window.
The teacher asks, "Who just threw that?"
The boy says, "Me! I’m going home now."
This was a few months ago. I used to help people load and unload inventory. One day I’m driving home after having lunch with my sister, and she asked if we can stop at the next gas station. I told her, "So you can weigh yourself on the truck scale?"
How long does it take a black woman to take out the trash?
About nine months and a day.
I found Jeffrey Epstein’s diary the other day.
The last entry was about 12 years old.
I went to jail because I gave the orphan kid a calendar with 363 days.
(I deleted Mother's Day and Father's Day.)
If all women disappeared one day, it would be a pain in the ass.
Your dad is so f**king fat that when he bends over and comes back up, it's the next day.
Father talks to his 5-year-old son: “No, Petie, you don’t have to worry. There is no monster sleeping under your bed. It sleeps every day in the bed next to me.”
Which days are the strongest?
Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weekdays.
My wife asked me the other day where I got so much candy. I said, "I always have a few Twix up my sleeve."
Why do orphans have only 363 days in their calendar year?
Because they don't have father's and mother's days.
The worst part about working for the department of unemployment is when you get fired, you still have to show up the next day.
Why should a feminist never join the United Auto Workers, UAW?
Because the only thing that a feminist would do in the United Auto Workers, UAW is lick pussy all day in the woman's restroom.
I stole my friend's amnesia medication the other day, he was pretty pissed.
But I reminded him of the age-old mantra: "Forgive and forget!"
