Dais jokes

One day this kid says to his dad, "Dad, they bully me at school."

His dad asks why, and the kid says, "They bully me because I got no hands."

Then his dad says, "Who would do such a thing like that? I want to know who they are. Point at them!"

Why do orphans only have 363 days of the year?

Because they don't have a Mother's and Father's Day.

I try and try every day, but 5 keep coming out. There's so money at this point my walls are built of babies.

Normal Kids: Today is a lovely day.

Emo kids: Here lies Chris, he shot himself!

Why did the turkey cross the road?

It was the chicken's day off!

I was walking down the street one day, and I passed the gun store. I walked in, and everything was half off. I didn’t know back-to-school sales had started already!

A teenage girl got a summer job dogsitting for a gigantic English Mastiff. She spent hours with the dog, and walked a little funny when she got home.

"What are you doing all day?"

"Knot a lot."

One day I was saw a kid sitting on the curb dressed in rags. I asked if he was an orphan. He said, “Yeah, what gave me away?” I said, “His parents.”

Hi Alex, you will probably not see this till the morning, but I just wanted to say I have had fun since you were here. Also, thank you so much for protecting me and being there for me. And yeah, have a good day!

Give a man a potato, he is full for a day.

Give a man a poisoned potato, he'll be full for the rest of his life.

I named my dog Stone so that I can say to people that I throw stones every day.

Hope everyone is having a good day! ❤️

You're walking one day and a little kid, about 5-6 years old, comes up to you asking, "What's a condom?" You have to give that child the wrong answer, what would you tell them? Comment on what you would tell them.

I don't trust anything that bleeds for more than 5 days and is still alive.

Why does an orphan only have 363 days in a year? Because they don’t have mothers' and Father’s Day.

It's past April Fool's Day, and we still have a joke as president.

I have to say that Halloween is my favorite day...

Every time they see me, kids and mothers run away...

I don’t have a costume so please don’t reprimand...

When I open up the door, I’ve got my penis in my hand.

You learn something new every day.

Like the people in 9/11 are the world's fastest readers; they went through 100s in under a second.

My grief counselor died the other day.

He was so good at his job, I don't even care.

April Fool's Day: Go tell an orphan their parents are back.

Orphan: Where... Oh.