Dais jokes

Orphan

Why do orphans like boomerangs more than their parents? The boomerang comes back.

One day I saw a kid cry, so I go, "Let's go find your parents." I miss my job at the orphanage.

Why do orphans get lost on boats? They can't find the home room.

Kid

One day this kid says to his dad, "Dad, they bully me at school."

His dad asks why, and the kid says, "They bully me because I got no hands."

Then his dad says, "Who would do such a thing like that? I want to know who they are. Point at them!"

Orphan

Why do orphans only have 363 days of the year?

Because they don't have a Mother's and Father's Day.

Memes

Baby

I try and try every day, but 5 keep coming out. There's so money at this point my walls are built of babies.

Kid

Normal Kids: Today is a lovely day.

Emo kids: Here lies Chris, he shot himself!

Gun store

I was walking down the street one day, and I passed the gun store. I walked in, and everything was half off. I didn’t know back-to-school sales had started already!

Dog

A teenage girl got a summer job dogsitting for a gigantic English Mastiff. She spent hours with the dog, and walked a little funny when she got home.

"What are you doing all day?"

"Knot a lot."

Orphan

One day I was saw a kid sitting on the curb dressed in rags. I asked if he was an orphan. He said, “Yeah, what gave me away?” I said, “His parents.”

Fun

Hi Alex, you will probably not see this till the morning, but I just wanted to say I have had fun since you were here. Also, thank you so much for protecting me and being there for me. And yeah, have a good day!

Potato

Give a man a potato, he is full for a day.

Give a man a poisoned potato, he'll be full for the rest of his life.

Dog

I named my dog Stone so that I can say to people that I throw stones every day.

Condom

You're walking one day and a little kid, about 5-6 years old, comes up to you asking, "What's a condom?" You have to give that child the wrong answer, what would you tell them? Comment on what you would tell them.

Woman

I don't trust anything that bleeds for more than 5 days and is still alive.

Orphan

Why does an orphan only have 363 days in a year? Because they don’t have mothers' and Father’s Day.

Halloween

I have to say that Halloween is my favorite day...

Every time they see me, kids and mothers run away...

I don’t have a costume so please don’t reprimand...

When I open up the door, I’ve got my penis in my hand.