Dais jokes

Five more days.

I was reading a great book about an immortal dog the other day.

It was impossible to put down.

Someone handed me a knife the other day and told me that it was very smart.

I made sure it didn't outsmart me.

Why is arson so fun?

IT'S A FIRE ACTIVITY!

HAHAHAHAHAHAPAHAAHAHIIRTAASIISISISHRNHHTHTHTHHNHSHSNIHTAHE

Day 83 of being trapped in þis room. I made a language. I call it hertof. I speak wiþ þe walls now.

Your dad is so f**king fat that when he bends over and comes back up, it's the next day.

I remember my first day back when working at a camp. I was so surprised when the trains arrived.

Normal Kids: Today is a lovely day.

Emo kids: Here lies Chris, he shot himself!

2001/9/11, that day was fire.

Quote of the day:

Just one small positive thought in the morning can change your whole day.

[Comment your favorite fall beverage!]

Why did the flamingo cross the road?

Because it was the chicken's day off.

Why do orphans only have 363 days of the year?

Because they don't have a Mother's and Father's Day.

Orphans have 363 days on a calendar because they don't have Mothers' or Fathers' Day.

I try and try every day, but 5 keep coming out. There's so money at this point my walls are built of babies.

Why does an orphan's year only have 363 days? Because it's missing Mother's and Father's Day.

One day this kid says to his dad, "Dad, they bully me at school."

His dad asks why, and the kid says, "They bully me because I got no hands."

Then his dad says, "Who would do such a thing like that? I want to know who they are. Point at them!"

I had morning wood one day. Then my sister saw it and said, "I can help!"

Why do orphans only have 363 days in a year?

Friend: Why?

Me: Because they don't have a mother or father's day.

Why do orphans only have 354 days?

'Cause they are missing Mothers and Fathers day!

One day, I was walking through a park when I realized it was crowded.

To this day, I still don't know who let the children out of my basement.

My grandpa was the best soldier ever. He gunned down over 100 soldiers in his bunker during D-Day.