Dais jokes

A few days ago, I phoned up the spiritual leader of Tibet, and he sent me a large goat with a long neck. Turns out I phoned Dial-a-Llama.

One day, I was walking down the street, and then I saw something really funny, and then I ran, and I saw a boomer, but I don't really know what I'm talking about, lol.

I went out to buy some camouflage shirts the other day. Couldn't find any.

Red sky at night, shepherd's delight.

Blue sky at night, day.

My friend nearly drowned in her bowl of muesli the other day. She was pulled in by a strong "currant."

What's the most confusing day of the year for an illegitimate kid?

Father's Day.

Give a man a potato, he is full for a day.

Give a man a poisoned potato, he'll be full for the rest of his life.

The patient said, "When will this be over?"

The doctor said, "After you die."

The patient says, "Was that a morbid joke?"

The doctor says, "Well, um, actually, you'll die because we broke the needles and the cure."

The patient says, "Well, it's a bright day, maybe if you weren't clumsy!"

What does an orphan do on school parents' day? Nothing.

What's an orphan's least favorite day? Take your kid to work day.

One day I asked my mom where kids came from. She said the man who went to the milk store.

Five years later, he came back and left again.

I don't trust anything that bleeds for more than 5 days and is still alive.

Hope everyone is having a good day! ❤️

You're walking one day and a little kid, about 5-6 years old, comes up to you asking, "What's a condom?" You have to give that child the wrong answer, what would you tell them? Comment on what you would tell them.

I was walking down the street one day, and I passed the gun store. I walked in, and everything was half off. I didn’t know back-to-school sales had started already!

A teenage girl got a summer job dogsitting for a gigantic English Mastiff. She spent hours with the dog, and walked a little funny when she got home.

"What are you doing all day?"

"Knot a lot."

I have to say that Halloween is my favorite day...

Every time they see me, kids and mothers run away...

I don’t have a costume so please don’t reprimand...

When I open up the door, I’ve got my penis in my hand.

Hi Alex, you will probably not see this till the morning, but I just wanted to say I have had fun since you were here. Also, thank you so much for protecting me and being there for me. And yeah, have a good day!

Hey guys, I haven't been on in like freaking forever! Sorry. Anyways, I love you, Emerald! :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDD I hope you're on!

Love you all. Hope you all have a nice day, Best regards, Koko, <3

You learn something new every day.

Like the people in 9/11 are the world's fastest readers; they went through 100s in under a second.