Dais jokes

The bell rings, and Ana was about to leave, but the teacher said, "The bell doesn't dismiss you, I do."

The next day, Ana was late, and the teacher asked, "Why are you late?" Ana replied with, "The bell doesn't tell me when I should arrive, I do."

I've recently been treated with Asthma and have been prescribed penicillin. One day I was taking it and a man screaming "SUIII" came into the room and stole it! He thought the penicillin would give him penalties. I couldn't breathe, shame on you Penaldo for ruining my life!

Who needs Singles Day when you're single for the rest of your life!

My grandpa was the best soldier ever. He gunned down over 100 soldiers in his bunker during D-Day.

One morning I saw three kids were bullying one other kid because they didn't have a dad...

Later that day the three same kids were walking toward an orphanage. :)

I don’t see why people say that emo kids don’t like to hangout. I seen them hanging all day.

You learn something new every day.

Like the people in 9/11 are the world's fastest readers; they went through 100s in under a second.

One day, I was walking through a park when I realized it was crowded.

To this day, I still don't know who let the children out of my basement.

Why do orphans only have 363 days in a year?

Friend: Why?

Me: Because they don't have a mother or father's day.

Why did the turkey cross the road?

It was the chicken's day off!

Why do orphans only have 354 days?

'Cause they are missing Mothers and Fathers day!

My friend nearly drowned in her bowl of muesli the other day. She was pulled in by a strong "currant."

Give a man a potato, he is full for a day.

Give a man a poisoned potato, he'll be full for the rest of his life.

I don't trust anything that bleeds for more than 5 days and is still alive.

A few days ago, I phoned up the spiritual leader of Tibet, and he sent me a large goat with a long neck. Turns out I phoned Dial-a-Llama.

One day, I was walking down the street, and then I saw something really funny, and then I ran, and I saw a boomer, but I don't really know what I'm talking about, lol.

I went out to buy some camouflage shirts the other day. Couldn't find any.

Red sky at night, shepherd's delight.

Blue sky at night, day.

The patient said, "When will this be over?"

The doctor said, "After you die."

The patient says, "Was that a morbid joke?"

The doctor says, "Well, um, actually, you'll die because we broke the needles and the cure."

The patient says, "Well, it's a bright day, maybe if you weren't clumsy!"

What does an orphan do on school parents' day? Nothing.