What country has been the hottest in recent years?
Sri Lanka, they had 3 bombs in a day!
I asked an orphan where his mom was. He started crying, so I said it again.
And well, that was my last day at the orphanage.
One day I'm walking and I saw Josh B. He's sucking balls and Marco jump[s], and we got [an] earthquake, and I say, "Yamate."
What kind of clothing should you wear on “hump day”? Camelflouge.
What day does Venus like?
SATURNday.
Yo mama is so fat that when she sits on the internet, it will take a day to send!
When you're having a normal day at school, but then...
"All the other kids with the pumped up kicks"
Why can an orphan never get picked up?
Because the white van did not come that day. HAHA BIG LOL
Do you know what the equivalent to hell is these days?
1. Listening to your teacher.
2. Not having your phone/game/TV.
3. Not having nicotine.
Tony's wife got a divorce from Tony. She said she wanted to be an independent woman.
Days later, Tony's wife had an accident. Guess who's crawling back for help. 💀
Why does Joe only have 264 days in his calendar?
Because he can't celebrate Father's Day.
Once when I was 6, I had a massive crush on a girl in my grade. She liked me too, and we kissed under a tree.
Next day, same spot, but now she's pregnant. That stupid dad stole my girl!
What is the difference between an orphan and a mailman?
The mailman goes home at the end of the day.
I am going to be a ghost for Halloween. I actually want to be a ghost every day, because at least I'd be dead.
Man with cancer: How much time do I have left?
Doctor: Ten.
Man: Weeks? Months? Days?
Doctor: Nine, eight, seven...
Some people say I'm rude, but I think I'm pretty nice because the other day I saw this kid crying on the road and I asked him where his parents were. I just love looking at an orphanage.
Give a man a plane ticket, and he’ll fly for a day.
Push a man from a plane, and he’ll fly for the rest of his life.
Diet Day #1 - I removed all the fattening food from my house. It was delicious.
So this dude comes home from work one day, and his wife is watching the Food Network.
The husband asks, "Why do you watch that? You still can't cook," and the wife responds, "Why do you watch porn? You still can't f*ck."
One day a man buys a rope to commit suicide, but his friend stops him.
They go to a school with lots of happy kids. The guy feels better after a mag.
