Dais jokes

One day I met a blind guy and I said, "You should see Mt. Cheaha!"

I asked an orphan where his mom was. He started crying, so I said it again.

And well, that was my last day at the orphanage.

Why do orphans only have 362 days of the year?

... bc they don’t have Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, or Thanksgiving.

What country has been the hottest in recent years?

Sri Lanka, they had 3 bombs in a day!

One day I'm walking and I saw Josh B. He's sucking balls and Marco jump[s], and we got [an] earthquake, and I say, "Yamate."

What kind of clothing should you wear on “hump day”? Camelflouge.

What day does Venus like?

SATURNday.

Girl (on thirteenth birthday): Ma, why did papa leave?

Mother: Well, it started exactly 1 year and 189 days ago...

Why are carpenters never horny after work?

Because they’ve already spent all day getting hammered and nailing things.

Joke: I went to a paraplegic strip club the other day, the place was crawling with pussy.

My son caught me masturbating the other day and was like, "Dad, what are you doing?" I said, "Don't worry, you'll be doing it soon." He said, "Why is that?" I told him, "My arm is getting tired."

One day a man buys a rope to commit suicide, but his friend stops him.

They go to a school with lots of happy kids. The guy feels better after a mag.

There should be a "kick an orphan" day.

What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

I told a cookie a joke the other day.

It just crumbled.

There was a guy called Manners, one called Poo, and one called Shut Up.

One day, Manners was on his way to pick up Poo from school. A police officer stopped Shut Up and said:

Police: "What’s you name?"

Shut Up: "Shut Up."

Police: "Where's your manners?!"

Shut Up: "Picking up Poo."

I got a new job at a trampoline park the other day. If I’m being honest, it’s got its ups and downs.

One day, I put a lady taffy on my ass.

The other day my computer crashed. Luckily, there were no injuries.

What do moms want for Mother's Day? Replacement silverware.

My kids told me to have a good day, so I left them to their own devices and hoped for the best.