As a son I like sports and I watch sports with my mom. So one day we were looking at football. My mom ask me who makes the most money I said the quarter back. My mom told me I going to get a quarter back has my new boyfriend and it be your new step father. a week lady my mom went out I came home I see my mom making out with a high school kid. I said whats going on my mom said look my new boyfriend and new step father is the high school quarter back. My mom said see mission accomplish. I said yeah job well done.
As a son I was starting to do pranks. I told my mom’s boyfriend that she cheated on him, and she don’t want to be with him no more, and I told him that my mom said that he had a small penis. He left my mom, and she was mad at me. I thought it was funny. Then I told my friend girlfriend that he cheated on her with another girl, and the girl told me that my friend had a small penis. He found out, and wanted to co front me in my house. I wasn’t home. My friend told my mom what happen then my mom said the same thing happen to me. I came home one day I saw my mom giving my friend a blow job I ask what’s going on. My friend told your mom is my new girlfriend & my mom said this is the penis of my dreams.
a little girl said one day " grandmas gonna die tonight". the next morning the girl's grandmother's body was found. that day she said again " Grandpas gonna die tonight" sure enough, the girl's grandfather died and his body was discovered the next morning. that day she said " daddy's gonna die tonight." the girls father was terrified. he lay shaking the entire night. somehow, he survived until morning. his wife came into the room crying. he asked her why she was upset and she said that the postman had died last night.
One day I went to smoke weed with some Mexicans but they ran away when I asked if they had papers
y do orphans have 363 days in a year? cuz they have no Father’s or Mother’s Day.
This boy was in school one day when he became desparate to go to the bathroom. So he asked the teacher, “May I use the bathroom?”
The teacher replied, “No, not unless you say your alphabet.”
So the boy said “a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o q r s t u v w x y z.”
When he finished, the teacher asked him, “Where’s the p?”
The boy replied, “Half way down my leg...”
The other day my brother hit me I yelled for mom no one responded.
Boy: will u remember me in a minute? Mom: yes Boy: will u remember me in day? Mom:yes Boy: willu remember me in a year? Mom: yes Boy: knock knock Mom: who's there Boy:bitch, u forgot me
Today was a bitter-sweet day... Bad news is my friend was assaulted, good news is I successfully sneak attacked someone!
A kid had school today. He was late every single day. He said in his mind, I wish I can go to school again. What happened? Its obvious...... He died :)
Little Sally comes home from school one day and says to her mom, "Mommy, mommy, you won’t believe it! Little Johnny just pulled out his PP in class." The mother responded, "Well, what did it look like?" Sally said, "It looks like a peanut." The mother said, "Oh, it was small." "No, it was salty," said Sally.
A man driving along a country road sees a little girl crying next to a cliff. He gets out and says, "Aw, what's the matter little girl?" She points off the cliff and at the bottom is the family car, burning with everyone inside all mangled and dead. The man unbuckles his pants and says, "Little girl, today just ain't your day."
God, people are so sensitive these days. You can't even say paint the wall black, you have to say, Jamal, could you paint the wall?
So I was in the bathroom at school washing and this girl walked out of the stall and she was like "hey can you make me laugh? I have been having a pretty bad day." And I was like sure and I was like come here and so she came over to me I was like girl look at ur self in the mirror and she started laughing so hard and she said I'm so ugly.
What do orphans and olden day actors have in common? Both get food thrown at them some of the time.
one day little Johnny came home with his girlfriend and told his dad "were gonna go to my room and do some homework" and his dad said ok 5 minutes later little Johnny's dad heard noises coming from his room so he went to go see what it was and all he heard was "baby baby oh baby baby oh" little Johnny's dad started banging on the door and said "little Johnny what are you doing in there" then little Johnny said "dad were just having sex" then little Johnny's dad said " oh i thought you were listing to some Justin bibber up in here
Tip for Kindness for the day.
Tip one. Always speak up for your self. Yes, letting someone else speak up for you is nice but also speak up for your self be brave if a mean bully comes along. Speak up for your self and others if they need it. Best-Gwen
What's a cannibals favorite place? A day care
i was in the bank one day and this old lady asked me to check her balance. So i pushed her over
This guy walks into a library one day and asks the librarian for a book on how to commit suicide. The librarian says f*** no you won’t return it
