If you're ever down one day, just go to the orphanage and bully an orphan because what is he going to do about it? He has no parents.
Today was a terrible day. My wife got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.
I met another kid with Down syndrome the other day and attempted to talk to him. But my mom showed up and was asking me why I am talking to the mirror.
Quote for the day.
I looked this quote up, but it really is a good thing, just for starters.
"Sometimes you will never know the VALUE of a moment until it becomes a MEMORY."
Also, loving is so much more to give instead! Always remember to love!!! Best-Gwen :)
What day is international terrorist day?
September 11th, 2001.
One day at school, I made fun of a girl who lost her hair from cancer, and my parents made me shave my head.
The next day at school, I made fun of an orphan.
A 28 year old woman, Olga, in Meshchovsk, Russia took justice into her own hands when a 32 year old male robber, Viktor, decided to rob her salon. She tied him, feeding him only Viagra, having sex with him over and over. After a few days, she released him after he stated he learned his lesson and wouldn't go to the police. He lied and went to the police anyways. Both were arrested.
After his sentence was over, Viktor sat down to speak to the local news. The reporter asked Viktor, "How was this whole ordeal?" Viktor replied, "I've had better."
One day a man dies and goes to heaven. He gets there and sees a bunch of clocks. He asks Jesus, "Hey, what are the clocks for?" Jesus replies, "They move every time you sin." "This is Mother Teresa's, it has not moved so she has not sinned." "This one is Abraham Lincoln's, it has moved twice so he sinned twice." The man asks, "Where is Joe Biden's?" Jesus replies, "It's in my office-- I'm using it as a ceiling fan."
There were 30 high school seniors taking finals, and once they finished, the teacher, Mrs. Jones, walked up and down the classroom to collect the tests, and asked, "So, are you guys ready for college?" And Brian answered, "No way. School is just a waste of time, every day taking *seven cruel hours of our lives*." Angela replied, "Never! Like Brian said, school is just a waste of time, and the next level is surely not worth paying $50,000 for. Besides, math class is *mental abuse to humans*!" And Jack said, "School has been a waste of so much time I'll never get back, and after these *finals* I've realized... *fuck, I never actually learned shit*!"
The 6th-grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, โWhich human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?โ
No one answered until little Mary stood up and said, โYou should not be asking sixth-graders a question like that! Iโm going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!โ
Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, โWhich body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?โ
Little Maryโs mouth fell open. Then she said to those around her, โBoy, is she going to get in big trouble!โ
The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class, โAnybody?โ
Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and said, โThe body part that increases 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye.โ
Mrs. Parks said, โVery good, Billy,โ then turned to Mary and continued.
โAs for you, young lady, I have three things to say: One, you have a dirty mind. Two, you didnโt read your homework. And three, one day you are going to be very, very disappointed.โ
A little girl asks her mum, "Mummy how was I born?"
Her mother smiled and replied: "Once upon a time, your daddy and I decided to plant a wonderful little seed. Daddy put it in the earth, and I took care of it every single day."
"The seed slowly grew more and more leaves, and in a few months it turned into a beautiful, healthy plant. So me and Daddy took the plant, dried it, smoked it and got so high that we fucked without a condom!"
My uncle got sued from NASA the other day. He claimed to be the first one to enter Uranus.
An old man takes his grandson fishing in a local pond one day.
After 20 minutes of fishing, the old man fires up a cigar. The young boy asks, "Grandpa, can I have a cigar?" The old man asks, "Son, can your dick touch your asshole?" The young boy says no. "Then u can't have a cigar." Another 20 minutes passes, and the old man opens a beer. The young boy asks, "Grandpa, can I have a beer?" The old man asks, "Son, can your dick touch your asshole?" The young boy says no. "Well, then u can't have a beer."
Another 20 minutes passes and the young boy opens a bag of potato chips.
The old man asks, "Son, can I have some of your chips?" The boy asks, "Well, Grandpa, can your dick touch your asshole?" The old man says, "It sure can." The boy says, "Well good, then go fuck yourself, these are my chips."
Where does the resistor go after a long day?
It goes Ohm.
When you find out your wife had a miscarriage,
So you start singing "Itโs the best day ever!"
What is the day parents stopped fearing for their little boys? June 25, dead pedo day.
Scientists say a banana a day is great for the colon.
But you gotta eat it!
The other day I went to a museum. My friend and I went to the Holocaust section, and he got choked up when he saw the Anne Frank picture. I asked him, "Why are you sad? It's just an ashtray."
I had a great day today because Allison was frustrated at her calculator and started banging it on the side of the table, and the teacher screamed, "Allison, how would you like it if I banged you on the table?"
What's a chicken's deadliest day?
Friday.
