Conversation jokes

Hi, how are you?

God, you’re having a good day?

Me: Yes, beats burning in hell.

"It's Sunday evening!"

"No. It's Monday eve."

When you realize your friend standing next to you is adopted and narrates everything he does.

SCP-1540 transforms in-front of a d-class:

D-class: Whoa dude, you’re a wolf!

SCP-1540: A am a were.

Me: Knock, knock.

Another person (OP): OP: Who's there? Me: Hatch. OP: Hatch who? Me: Bless you =) OP: But I didn't sneeze. Me: You just don't get a joke, do you?

Yo mama so fat, when she was telling me her weight, I thought she was telling me her number.

I saw an orphan on the road. I asked him if he's an orphan. The kid says, "Yeah, what gave it away?"

I say, "Your parents."

Anyone wanna chat? I'm new and don't know many people.

"Can you tie a knot?"

"I cannot."

"So you can knot?"

"No, I cannot knot."

"Not knot?"

"Who's there?"

"F... off!"

What does one emo kid say to the other?

"I like your cuts, G."

Hey, talk to me here!

A man walks into his bedroom where his wife is carrying a sheep under her arm and says, "This is the pig I've been fucking."

Wife says, "That's not a pig; that's a sheep, dumbass."

Husband says, "I was talking to the sheep."

If someone says nobody asked, you could say, "Well, nobody asked for you to talk!"

Two friends fighting.

Friend 3: "Cut it out, you two!"

Friend 4: "It wouldn't help if they cut it out... Believe me... I've tried..."

Is it still called beef if two vegetarians are arguing?

Why can't you say hi to a drug addict?

They'll say "yea."

Memories: I have ligma.

Ligma what?

Ligma balls.

Me: How do cowboys say hello?

Friend: Howdy.

Me: How do deez nuts fit in your mouth?

Kid: Imagine being an orphan!

Parents: Look who's talking, not you 'cause you ain't got no one to talk to! *vanishes*

Kid: WAIT, WHAT!