Conversation jokes

Why did the chicken cross the road to get away from this conversation?

I had a conversation with a Möbius strip.

It was one-sided.

My friend: What are you doing?

Me: I'm making holy water.

My friend: How?

Me: I'm boiling the hell out of it.

I murdered my friend's brother because he kept saying "HEE HEE" like Michael Jackson when I was trying to have a serious conversation. I just found out he was disabled. That's a THRILLER.

I like porn a lot. I was wondering if you guys can talk to me.

A father is talking to his three kids.

Kid 1: Why is my name Rose?

Dad: Because when you were a kid, a rose fell on your head.

Kid 2: Why is my name Lily?

Dad: Because a lily fell on your head when you were a baby.

Kid 3: Auughhghhhggghhh!

Dad: Oh hey, Brick.

I was at a funeral and told a joke, and my sister said, "I'm dead." So I said, "That's what she said."

My friend said I was gay, but then I realised he was talking to the mirror.

What did one gay guy say to the other when they were packing for a trip?

"Want me to pack your shit?"

Yesterday I asked my friend, "What is a fish without eyes?"

They replied, "I don’t know."

I said, "Fsh."

Friend A: Do you like Wendy's?

Friend B: Yes, why?

Friend A: Wen-dez nuts in your mouth!

"It's Sunday evening!"

"No. It's Monday eve."

God, you’re having a good day?

Me: Yes, beats burning in hell.

When you realize your friend standing next to you is adopted and narrates everything he does.

Gwen, let's chat at night for about 1 hour! I want to get to know each other better!

P.S., it's Jake.

What does one emo kid say to the other?

"I like your cuts, G."

Hi how are you?

Why can't you say hi to a drug addict?

They'll say "yea."

Memories: I have ligma.

Ligma what?

Ligma balls.

Is it still called beef if two vegetarians are arguing?