Conversation jokes

Me: What has two legs and bleeds?

Friend: Um, women? Obviously?

Me: Actually, half a dog. So you're still right.

What did the cow say to the leather chair?

“Hi Mom!”

What did the drunk woman say to the man after leaving the bar?

"Alcohol, you later!"

This is a joke to tell to someone with you or something. SOMEONE will laugh. Say: "This word isn't gonna be funny until I tell you, your probably not going to laugh." *your friend* "what's the word?" *you* "finger" *friend* *dies of laughter*. *note* it works better if you wiggle your finger or something before and not everyone laughs, so don't feel bad if they don't. Also, don't be surprised if you get put in jail for murder, because you're going to kill someone with this.

A mushroom walks into a bar and tries to hit on a blonde. When she turns him down, he goes to her and says, "C'mon, I'm a fun guy!"

I can't remember the last full conversation I had with my grandfather.

Good thing is, since he hit his head, he can't remember either.

I asked a man for ten dollars for a cup of coffee. The man said coffee was only a quarter. I told him I was putting all my begs in one ask-it.

I was walking till I saw a kid sitting on the street. I walked over there and said, "Where are your parents?" He cried even more.

Oh, I just love talking to orphans.

What did Jim say to Jeff? "I killed your ham."

I once tried to have a family friendly conversation with a worm, but it kept its head in the dirt.

Yesterday on the school bus my friend in front of me said she was 41% Irish and 15% Mexican.

Then my friend sitting next to me said, “Wow, almost half leprechaun!”

Then I said, “Yeah, and 15 percent wall climber!”

I was at a funeral and told a joke, and my sister said, "I'm dead." So I said, "That's what she said."

I was walking down the street and saw a kid and I said, "Are you an orphan?"

He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?"

I said, "Your parents at first."

I once asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite... He said, "NaBrO."

Me: Can I get your mom's number?

Friend: Here you go:

Me: Ohh, strange, I already had it.

Before Marriage Boy: At last, I can hardly wait! Girl: Do you want me to leave? Boy: No, don't even think about it! Girl: Do you love me? Boy: Of course, always! Girl: Have you ever cheated on me? Boy: No, why are you asking? Girl: Will you kiss me? Boy: Every chance I get! Girl: Will you slap me? Boy: Hell nah, you crazy!! Girl: Can I trust you? Boy: Yeah girl! Girl: Oh Honeyyy😍

After Marriage Now, read that from the bottom to the top.

What did the steak say to the other steak?

How do you know if someone is a vegan or has run a marathon?

They'll tell you.

Knock knock. Who’s there? Mimi. Mimi who? Mimi’s got cancer.

What did the South Tower say to the North Tower?