My cousin asked me "What do you think was going through Hitlers mind right before he died"
I told him "Probably a bullet"
A man in conversation with his friend says that his wife is on a 3-week diet. The friend curiously asks, how much has she lost? The man replies, "her life."
I met another kid with Down syndrome the other day attempted to talk to him. But my mom showed up and was asking me why am I talking to the mirror.
How do prisoners call each other? Cell phones
me: can i get ur mom number? friend: here u go: me: ohh strange i already had it.
Bf: Do you love me?
Gf: Most of time.
Bf: Well it's either yes or no.
Gf: ...
Bf: Well when is it that you don't love me?
Gf: 2:30 to 4:00. Every time when you to the river an hour than it takes me a half hour to love you again.
Bf: Why?
Gf: Cuz you always see that OTHER GIRL.
Bf: MY LOVE! That other girl is my sister!!!
Gf: Ohh...
A kid went and cot a hair cut, the day after he went to school, and a friend says " I like your cut", and he replies "which one?"
what did the shoe say to the other shoe?
nothing it was tied up in a other conversation
“Poor old fool,” thought the gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. He invited the old man inside for a drink. The gentleman asked, “So how many have you caught today?
”The old man replied, “You’re the eighth.”
Mom asks “Who are you talking to?” The child said “A mistake.”
Two terrorists walk into a bar. The bartender asks what they are talking about. Terrorist 1 says “We are going to kill 14k people and a donkey” The Bartender asks “Why a donkey?” Then Terrorist 2 says “See, I told you no one would care about the 14k people.”
Son: Dad I have black skin and you have white skin, are you sure ur my parents? Dad: oh...., well I never thought it would come to this, or to ur head that you were kidnapped..... Son: am I kidnapped? Dad; well ur adopted, and if you want to see ur biological parents they’ll be waiting for you in heaven
Two guys watching a war movie at a Bar are talking , one says to the other. " The Nazi's starved my dad to death in a concentration camp during the war". The other says " my Dad died in a camp as well...he broke his neck" First guy says " how did he break his neck?" Second guy says " He fell out of the Guard Tower".
Two priests are driving down a road when they are pulled over by the cops.
The cop shines a light in their faces and signals to the driver to roll down his window.
"We're searching for two child molesters," he says.
The driver leans over to the other priest and they whisper between themselves.
Finally, he turns back to the policeman. "Ok. We'll do it."
a girl asked ̈can i have some nuts too? ̈ boy: ̈sure what ones;) ̈
A girl walks up to her friend with sunglasses, she missed very much.
She told her "Hey, long time no see."
Me:U know the show called imagine dragon Friends:no what is it Me:imagine dragon this nuts across yo mouth
Me: John what did he do earlier
John: hold on, I’m trying to think
Me: I thought I smelled poop
What did the man say to the woman. "Make me a sandwhich".
So I was on a discord call the other day and one of my friends American buddies joined and we had a conversation.
Until they say: when did pounds change to quid.
And I said: 'they're the exact same thing.'
Then they said:
"but when did it happen?"
So I said:
"when did school change to shooting range?"
