Conflict jokes

Husband: Dammit, Alice! I'm your husband, and I'm telling you that you better stay in this kitchen if you know what's good for you!

Wife: Go to hell, Bob! I'm leaving!

Ignoring my protective advice, Alice stormed out of our underground kitchen, even though it was the safest place to be while the nuclear war still raged outside.

The north and south towers got into an argument.

The south tower said, "We will talk about this when we are on the ground."

If two vegans are arguing, is it still considered beef?

What do you call an Iraqi swimming in the water?

A bath bomb.

What is an Iraqi kid's favorite game?

Minesweeper.

What's the difference between an Afghan kindergarten and a military target?

The drone guy didn't know either.

Guy, your hairline was the reason Adolf Hitler said, "Let there be war!"

Osama Bin Laden is his name.

Crashing planes is his game.

So, if Russia was the motherland and Germany was the fatherland, what does that mean?

The Western Front is domestic violence.

What do children with cancer and Russian soldiers have in common? Their life doesn't last long.

What's full of lard and is reserved as Putin's cannon fodder?

Your mum!!!

If anyone ever makes a time machine, please make a bunker for Hitler/the Nazis and send them to 2050. I want to see who would die first, future us or them.

Why are there so many scars and cuts on your arm?

Because it's a battlefield.

Zelensky: I'm begging for Russian forces to withdraw from the whole of Ukraine.

Putin: Crimea river.

There's no smoke or fire without a Muslim.

Your momma's so fat that she's used goods, like the Russian tanks.

Qassem Soleimani is so popular today.

I mean, he just blew up overnight!

1 like = 1 more missile aimed at a hospital.

"You cannot win a war without a war."

-Sun Tzu, *The Art Of War*

"If two sides in a battlefield read my book, there will be no winner."

Sun Tzu, The Art of War.