Conflict Jokes

So one time I was looking up the definition of accident because I was a little dumbo and didn’t know what it meant. Then my sister walks up behind me, and points at the word and says, “That’s you!”(meaning that I was an accident) A few minutes later, we had a big family meeting and my dad said to my sister, “Sweetie, you were an accident. We didn’t mean to make you. But we still love you with everything we’ve got.”

My sister never talked to me again and left the house. She was 17 when she left. Seriously, 17-year-olds just never mature, huh?

"You da bomb!" "No, you da bomb!"

In the US, a compliment. In the Middle East, an argument.

What’s the difference between a school and an ISIS hideout?

I don’t know, I just fly the drone.

What's the difference between a feminist and Hitler?

Both were good at starting wars, only difference was Hitler knew when to kill himself afterwards.

Nobody:

The Vietcong when America lands on their beeches:

tReE pOwErS aCtIvAtE

What is the difference between a Taliban outpost and a Pakistani primary school?

I don't know... I just fly the drone.

If two vegetarians get into a fight, is it still called a beef?

Why did the skeleton start a fight? Because he had a bone to pick.

It's sad how families can be torn apart from something as simple as wild dogs.

I told my friend that someone accused him of blowing dead bears. I said I defended him by responding that I saw 1 get up and walk away.

How did the British lose the war of 1812

They were out Britshed

One weekend some distant family members that I hadn't met before came over. My cousins (who I also hadn't met before) were fighting, so I decided to separate them and place them in opposite corners of the room (thinking it would help).

My mom took me to an empty room with tears in her eyes, and told me they both ended up dying.

Well, SO-RRY but I didnt know they're conjoined twins.

When someone asks you for a beef (fight) just say your a vegetarion.

Max heart and his gay cousin nickals amoto say i back out a fight when he said let's fight then last minute he said he don't want to then says i chickened out i ready to fight but his gut swolled his arms he actually looks like humpty dumpty but just wanted to say he backed out + max and nickals are both gay with each other

I talked to a future suicide bomber. I told him, "ISIS ain't got sh** on me because I planted a bomb and lived."

Q: Why did the two gate-builders start fighting? A: Because they were fencing.

So I am an emo dude so I sit in the back of the class and I talk to no one.But one day this dude came up to me and tried to talk to me so I just ignored him.Then he got really pissed off and said “I’m gonna kill you”.I was like “Your gonna kill me just because I ignored you, is your ego that big, wow.”He left then the next day he brought his goons with him and said “now your dead” I ignored him again and he said “you will pay for this.”So the following day after school I was walking down the street back to my house then him and his goons tried to attack me, but then they died so I kept on walking.I had some rope traps set.This was the best day of my life.

This is why you never mess with emo’s.We have ropes everywhere.

I hate when I lose my white friends in the snow and my black friends in the dark. Where do I lose my friends from Afghanistan?

In an explosion.

Why did the cow not want to talk to the other cow? because they had beef with eachother

My sister's boyfriend is mad at me because I fucked his girl.