Computer jokes

It's just been discovered that as well as writing a book, Adolf Hitler also wrote one of the first computer games, "Mein Kraft."

What is missing on an orphanage computer? The motherboard.

When Stephen Hawking died, I assume his computer crash caused it.

What did I do with the internet?

He dead, he alive, but most importantly, he got a new hard drive.

Hi, I...

Sorry, my cat touched my computer. I don't know how to delete.

The joke is that if you take a cap off a bottle, is it decapitation?

Sorry guys, it's a hard word to spell.

Ctrl, Alt, Deletus, because of thine fetus.

Stephen Hawking died crossing the road. He was hit by a Universal Serial Bus.

Your Momma's so fat, the recursive function calculating her mass causes a stack overflow.

Yo mama is so dumb, when she had a brain scan, the result was 404...

What does a computer scientist do when someone tries to fight him?

He waves his arms like a space invader.

When does a computer function best? When it listens to its motherboard.

What’s one thing orphans don’t have on their computer? A home page.

Why are elephants scared of computers?

Because of the mouse.

A guy who just got robbed says, "I've been hacked, and the hacker ransomware!"

Have they tried switching him off and on again?

Why was Stephen Hawking arrested? The police used computer GPS.

There was a car accident, and the cops pull up to the crime scene to start asking people questions. The police started talking to a blonde lady and said, "What happened here?" She responded by saying, "A car crash." They then asked, "But how did it happen?" She responded, "The cars crashed into each other." They finally said, "But why did it happen?" The lady said, "Oh, I know where you're going with this. It happened because when cars push on the gas pedal, the car goes forward, and they both pushed it, so they both went forward and hit each other." One cop said, "Never mind, ma'am," and they started walking away.

The blonde lady then said, "Oh, and officers, my computer froze. Do you think I should put it in the microwave or in the oven?"

I felt bad for a dog, and I looked to my left, and there was an orphan, and I said I will make you a website, and I said there won't be a homepage.

You do not spell "computer" like this; you spell it like this: "cumputer."