Computer jokes
What noise does Stephen Hawking make when he dies? Windows shutting down theme tune.
My mom told me to get off the computer or she will slam my head into the keyboard.
I don't think she lskdjfklsdjf.
If a dog made a computer, it would have a mega bite.
What's a pirate's favorite key on the keyboard?
Others: R.
Rrrr, you would think so, but it be the C.
Stephen Hawking would be a bad Pokemon.
He'd always be paralyzed, and his only move would be tackle!
What is an orphan's favorite game? Sims, so they can make a family to have.
I was on an orphan's website, but I pressed on his profile and realized he had no home page.
"You are under arrest for illegally downloading the entire Wikipedia!"
"Wait! I can explain everything!"
An SQL query goes into a bar, walks up to two tables and asks, "Can I join you?"
What's the difference between a PC and a 6 year old? I don't have to clean out my PC.
Yo mama so FAT, she can't handle files bigger than 4 GB.
I donated a computer to the orphanage...
It didn’t have a motherboard.
A project manager, a mechanical engineer, and a computer scientist are on a road trip through the mountains. As they're going down a pass, the brakes suddenly fail. The car goes off the road and crashes down into the valley. A bit dazed, the three of them get out.
The project manager says, "Well, the best thing to do is to have a meeting and assess the situation."
The mechanical engineer replies, "Nonsense, I have my pocketknife, I'll fix the brakes with that."
Then the computer scientist comes along and says, "Why make it so complicated? Let's push the car back up the road, get in, and see if it happens again."
So I painted my laptop black, hoping it would run faster... Now it doesn't work.
How does Stephen Hawking go to the toilet? He logs out.
Ctrl, Alt, Deletus, because of thine fetus.
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What was on Stephen Hawking's gravestone? "Intel inside."
How did Stephen Hawking die?
He tried to update to Windows 10, and his hard drive corrupted.
A computer is like a living organism. Its charger is its life support. If you "pull the plug," you are letting it slowly die.