Common jokes
What do gay people and mice have in common?
They both hate pussy cats!
What do children with cancer and Russian soldiers have in common? Their life doesn't last long.
What's the difference between a bear with a gun and an American man with a gun?
The bear has common sense not to fire it.
What does Michael Jackson and Chef from South Park have in common?
They both say "Hello children!"
What do U.S. airstrikes and dark humor have in common?
They're normally pointed towards Africa and the Middle East.
What do Princess Diana and a landmine have in common? Both are easy to lay. Both costly and time-consuming to get rid of.
What did Saint Peter say to Diana when she got to the pearly gates? "Wipe that Merc off your face."
What does a pregnant lady and pigs have in common?
They're both fat.
What do lesbians and turtles have in common?
They both eat plastic. (I'm sorry to the lesbians out there; this is a joke, not real.)
What do emo kids and Hitler have in common?
There's gonna be more brains on the wall when they lose something.
What does dark humor and a child with cancer have in common? They never get old.
What does a race track and your hairline have in common? They both go up and down.
I wrote puns on a piece of paper like this:
P. P. P. P. U. U. U. U. N. N. N. N. S. S. S. S.
Then I showed them to my teacher, asking him what they had in common.
“They are all very tearable,” he replied.
Well, there is one person who gets it!
Do you know how diarrhea is common in families? Because it runs in your genes.
What do Jesus and I have in common?
No one knows my real bday either.
What do a penis and a Rubik’s Cube have in common?
The more you play with it, the harder it gets.
What does the orphan have in common with Batman? They both lost their parents.
What does a priest and a clown have in common?
They both make children cry.
What do turtles and lesbians have in common?
They both choke on plastic.
What do screen doors and blondes have in common?
The more you bang them, the looser they get.
What does a kid who has autism and reading have in common?
Absolutely nothing.