When do you go to the store?
UVUALA!!!!!
Cyber Monday
What’s the difference between me and a bakery shop? The bakery shop has cake! 😞🎂
Badass Toilet Paper Company: We don't take shit off of anyone.
A man walks into a store and orders 2 large chips. They give them to him and he says:
"I ordered 2 large chips, not 100 little ones!"
Why did the one-armed man cross the road?
To get to the second-hand shop.
Why are orphans not allowed in stores?
Because else they would actually feel at home.
A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."
I keep getting ads about belly fat.
Why did the pillow cross the road?
To get to a mattress store!
What Kind of Hardware store can't orphans go into?
Home Depot.
Q: You know what's morbid at a storage sale?
A: They give you more bids.
I drove past Wendy’s the other day. No other stores were open, so I asked, “Wendy’s openin’ then?”
You know, eBay sucks. I was looking for a lighter, and it gave me 18,906 matches.
The duck bought lipstick. When he paid, he said, "Put it on my bill."
When was the first Black Friday?
1619.
Why did the zebra cross the road?
Because he wanted to go to the Shell station.
I bought a gun from Walmart today. I guess they knew what I was going to do with it, because when I pulled the gun on the cashier, I realized the firing mechanism was in reverse.
Where do Sith get their clothes?
At the Darth Maul!
So I was visiting my friends Timmy and Tommy at the phone store and I said, "A. T&T!"
