Comedy jokes

Rape jokes are so incredibly offensive to stupid women like me who don’t understand what comedy is.

Knock, knock. Who's there? You're adopted.

What's the difference between a dog and a rapist?

At least the rapist adds a bit of foreplay before he starts humping people.

To master puns, you got to relish them first. That's how I must(ar)d it. Who knows, maybe you will ketchup to my level.

What’s the difference between Jesus and Maddie McCann?

One had the last supper.

I guess age is just a number, but in your boyfriend's case, a personal preference.

Want to hear a joke?

Your face.

What did the blonde say when I told a rape joke?

"Can you show me what rape is?"

Wanna hear a dry joke? A desert.

Did you hear about the flood at the circus? Lots of people drowned, and there were two clowns that survived and two nuns still in the audience.

The two clowns ran over to the two nuns, and each one put a nun on his shoulder. Then they waded out of the big top, up to their waists in the rapid, turbulent water. As they were reaching dry land, one clown said to the other, "If you ask me, this is virgin on the ridiculous!"

My girlfriend broke up with me yesterday. I asked her why. She said, "Because you're a pedophile." I replied, "Pedophile! That's a big word for an eight year old."

If a clown farted, would it smell funny?

A guy walks into a bar. He goes up to the bartender and says, "If I can surprise you, I get a free drink." The bartender was unsure but agreed.

The guy pulled a 30cm long pianist out of his pocket, and he starts to play.

The bartender was surprised and gave the guy a free drink.

The guy then says, "You see, I have a little wizard in my pocket that grants wishes. Can I get another free drink if you get a free wish?"

The bartender agrees without hesitation.

The bartender wishes for 1000 bucks, but he gets 1000 ducks.

"WTF!" the man shouts.

The guy answered, "Did you think I wanted a 30cm long pianist?"

To avoid getting drafted, a young man slips into a nunnery to hide from some draft board agents who are after him. Desperate, he approaches a nun and asks her to hide him.

“Get under my robes,” says the nun. “No one will look for you there.” The nun lifts up her robes and the man says, “Hey, that’s a fine pair of legs you have there, sister.”

“Yeah, well if you look a bit higher you’ll see a fine set of balls,” replies the nun. “I didn't want to get drafted either.”

Your hairline looks like the McDonald's logo!

Actually, it isn't a bear joke, but bear with me here...

When you steal the weird pet rock, so he pulls out his pet Glock.

Dark jokes are like Antarctica.

They're cold.

What word starts with M and ends in RAGE? Miscarriage.

That joke never gets old... but neither does the baby...;)

It’s like going to the orphan and telling your mama jokes.