Comedy jokes

God: You're gonna have 2 parents.

Orphan: Double it and give it to the next person.

Why do people hate abortion jokes?

It leaves you with an empty feeling inside.

Miscarriage jokes aren't funny, just cut it out.

I want to write some jokes about unemployed people, but none of them works.

My mom tells me to stop with the suicide jokes, and I replied with, "It's not that deep."

Treat me like a joke, and I will leave you like it's funny.

Mom: I'm getting you a dog!

Me: OMG REALLY?!

Mom: Yeah, what gender do you want?

Me:...

Me: Bitch, please.

Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, like when you push them down the stairs.

What's the difference between a rubber and Michael Jackson? Nothing, kids touch them both.

Yo mama is so fat that I could write 3 paragraphs, and she still wouldn’t fit.

One day my mom told me to take out the trash, and I did. The next day, mom asked me, "Where is your sister?" and I said, "A garbage truck took her." Mom started running to try and get the truck before it left.

I brought a new pen that can write underwater. It can also write other words.

Q: Why do clowns always get into fights?

A: Because they have the balls to.

A son tells his father, "I have an imaginary girlfriend."

The father sighs and says, "You know, you could do better."

"Thanks Dad," the son says.

The father shakes his head and goes, "I was talking to your girlfriend."

What do you call a Pirate Pokemon?

Arrrrrr-ceus!

Why can't an orphan watch the movie:

It was family rated.

Jesus and Satan are just basically Homer and Flanders. One tries to help the other, only for Satan to just say, "Shut up!"

An orphan? We no jokes.

Jokeless orphan since they were always stacked on jokes.

All these suicide jokes are f***ing killing me.

I would tell a dad joke, but it already left me.