Comedy jokes

All these suicide jokes are f***ing killing me.

Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, like when you push them down the stairs.

Hi guys!

I would tell a dad joke, but it already left me.

Q: Why do clowns always get into fights?

A: Because they have the balls to.

Why can't an orphan watch the movie:

It was family rated.

What do you call a Pirate Pokemon?

Arrrrrr-ceus!

Two priests walk into a store, and cops come up to them and say they’re looking for a child molester, and the priests both say, "I’ll do it!"

I took my 5 year old son to ride some roller coasters. I think he didn’t like it because I challenged him to a no hands contest.

He said, "But I don’t have any." He wanted to know what dark humor is. Now he knows what it is and what it feels like.

Miscarriage jokes aren't funny, just cut it out.

Why do people hate abortion jokes?

It leaves you with an empty feeling inside.

Yo momma is so ugly, she made my Happy Meal cry.

I want to write some jokes about unemployed people, but none of them works.

God: You're gonna have 2 parents.

Orphan: Double it and give it to the next person.

What happens when you cross a rhetorical question with a joke?

I brought a new pen that can write underwater. It can also write other words.

What does Michael Jackson and Chef from South Park have in common?

They both say "Hello children!"

What's the difference between a rubber and Michael Jackson? Nothing, kids touch them both.

What do you say to a girl with two black eyes?

Nothing, you told her twice.

When I was in middle school, I was on my bus and people were doin' hairline jokes, and I heard this guy say, "Your hairline goes back to... uhhhhhh... 2042?"