Comedy jokes

Q: What did the porn actress say when she opened the door?

A: Make sure to come upstairs!

What does Michael Jackson and Chef from South Park have in common?

They both say "Hello children!"

God: You're gonna have 2 parents.

Orphan: Double it and give it to the next person.

Miscarriage jokes aren't funny, just cut it out.

Why do people hate abortion jokes?

It leaves you with an empty feeling inside.

I took my 5 year old son to ride some roller coasters. I think he didn’t like it because I challenged him to a no hands contest.

He said, "But I don’t have any." He wanted to know what dark humor is. Now he knows what it is and what it feels like.

Guy: "Can I tell you a joke?"

Spiderman: "Yes."

Guy: "You only have 11 months on your calendar."

Spiderman: "Why?"

Guy: *holds up knife* "Because I murdered May."

Treat me like a joke, and I will leave you like it's funny.

My mom tells me to stop with the suicide jokes, and I replied with, "It's not that deep."

I would tell a dad joke, but it already left me.

Why can't an orphan watch the movie:

It was family rated.

What do you call a Pirate Pokemon?

Arrrrrr-ceus!

Hi guys!

A son tells his father, "I have an imaginary girlfriend."

The father sighs and says, "You know, you could do better."

"Thanks Dad," the son says.

The father shakes his head and goes, "I was talking to your girlfriend."

Jesus and Satan are just basically Homer and Flanders. One tries to help the other, only for Satan to just say, "Shut up!"

An orphan? We no jokes.

Jokeless orphan since they were always stacked on jokes.

All these suicide jokes are f***ing killing me.

Mom: I'm getting you a dog!

Me: OMG REALLY?!

Mom: Yeah, what gender do you want?

Me:...

Me: Bitch, please.

Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, like when you push them down the stairs.

Q: Why do clowns always get into fights?

A: Because they have the balls to.