Comedy jokes

Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners? -- Because he can't do stand up.

I have an orphan joke, but it needs parental guidance.

Where do mathematicians go to die?

The symmetry.

Q. What's a bulimic's favorite movie?

A. The Purge.

POV you are drunk and telling jokes and no one is listening 😭😭😭

What is an orphan's favorite movie?

Home Alone.

I wanted to make a joke about homework, but sadly, I'm an orphan.

I have a pen, I have an Apple, um, Apple pen.

The Taliban had a plane, the US had a building boom, 9/11.

I never do dark jokes, but when I feel like it, I prefer orphan jokes, 'cause they're the safest option. I mean, what are they gonna do, call their parents?

What is an orphan's least favorite TV show?

Family Feud.

I see, you guys jokers are SANS-ational!

What do dark humor and a person with scoliosis have in common?

Both are sick and twisted.

What's the difference between a priest and a pimple?

A pimple will wait until you're 12 years old to come on your face.

A young boy is stood on the top of a cliff crying. A priest approaches and says, "Why are you crying my son?" "My parents just crashed the car off the cliff and died." "It's just not your day today is it?" Said the priest, unbuttoning his flies.

What do you call a gay drive-by?

A fruit roll up.

6 Germans walk into a bar... and only three walk out.

What was Hitler’s favorite sex position?

Sixty nein.

The last joke about the dad was a joke. Don't take it seriously. Can't believe that people actually think that was true.

How did I get to Iraq? I ran.

Israel and Palestine jokes are hard at these times.

It’s all about execution.