Comedy jokes
What is a dead kid's favorite anime? Bleach.
Your forehead is so huge, you don't have dreams, you have movies. Follow me on Instagram: _zer0x3.
The wine taster at an old vineyard died. A homeless guy, looking ragged and dirty, came to apply. He persuaded the manager to give him a try.
The guy was given a glass of wine. He swirled, smelled, sipped, and spit. “It's a red wine, Merlot, three years old, grown on the South Slope and matured in oak barrels,” he said. "Impressive," said the manager.
The man is given another. “Still a red wine, Cabernet, eight years old, from the Northeast slope, stored in steel vats.”
The manager was amazed. He winked at his secretary. The secretary understood and brought out a glass of urine. The drunkard tasted it and said, “It's a blond, 27 years old, three months pregnant, and if I don't get this job, I'll tell who the father is!”
I have an orphan joke, but it needs parental guidance.
Where do mathematicians go to die?
The symmetry.
What do dark humor and a person with scoliosis have in common?
Both are sick and twisted.
What's the difference between a priest and a pimple?
A pimple will wait until you're 12 years old to come on your face.
Yo momma is so ugly, she made my Happy Meal cry.
What do you call a gay drive-by?
A fruit roll up.
The last joke about the dad was a joke. Don't take it seriously. Can't believe that people actually think that was true.
How did I get to Iraq? I ran.
What is an orphan's favorite movie?
Home Alone.
I wanted to make a joke about homework, but sadly, I'm an orphan.
I never do dark jokes, but when I feel like it, I prefer orphan jokes, 'cause they're the safest option. I mean, what are they gonna do, call their parents?
Q. What's a bulimic's favorite movie?
A. The Purge.
What do you call the worst joke ever?
Well, according to my mom, I am.
I see, you guys jokers are SANS-ational!
What is an orphan's least favorite TV show?
Family Feud.
Two priests walk into a store, and cops come up to them and say they’re looking for a child molester, and the priests both say, "I’ll do it!"
How do you tell whether you’ve satisfied a redhead?
She unlocks the handcuffs.