Comedy jokes
Man, abortion jokes just don't get old, do they?
In fact, they don't age at all.
I would tell a pussy joke, but you would never get it.
What's an orphan's favorite movie?
"Spider-Man: Homecoming."
- What do you call a dog that can do magic?
- A labracadabrador.
How do you get a million Pikachus in a bus?
You shove them on!
789.
Two people are in a restaurant. Person #1 doesn’t order anything, and Person #2 orders a chili.
Person #1: “Aren’t you gonna eat your bowl of chili?”
Person #2: “No, you can have it.”
Person #1: “Ok, thanks...”
Person 1 starts eating his food only to find half of a dead rat! He vomits all of the food back into the bowl.
Person #2: “That’s about as far as I got too!”
My name is Jafar. I come from afar. There's a bomb in my car. Allahu Akbar!
Why do dwarfs do drugs?
To get high.
I hate 9/11 jokes... They always crash and burn, like, dude, it's not funny?
What's so bad about 9 divided by 11?
What type of comedy can't Steven Hawking do?
Stand-up comedy.
What do you call two monkeys who share the same Amazon account? Prime mates.
Knock, knock.
Who is there?
Deez.
Deez who?
Deez nuts!
Whenever I make a 9/11 joke, it bombs.
STOP THE ORPHAN JOKES!
Comment.
The best joke in the world is me.
Don't say that you're not a joke. Jokes have meanings.
Public speaking is a more popular fear than snakes, and you don't see anyone walking in Australia and shout, "Look out! A podium!"
Why did Johnny drop his pencil?
To look up girls' skirts! 😬🤯😲😳😱🙀🙊
Me and my friend were duck hunting.
He shot 5 ducks in one shot. Then he shot by accident and yelled "DUCK!" then "MOTHERDUCKER!" Then ducks came down and one by one bit him.