Comedy jokes

Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners? -- Because he can't do stand up.

I have an orphan joke, but it needs parental guidance.

Where do mathematicians go to die?

The symmetry.

The last joke about the dad was a joke. Don't take it seriously. Can't believe that people actually think that was true.

Yo momma is so ugly, she made my Happy Meal cry.

I guess making 9/11 jokes at the airport is better than shouting "He's got a gun!" at the airport.

What do you call a gay drive-by?

A fruit roll up.

POV you are drunk and telling jokes and no one is listening 😭😭😭

I have a pen, I have an Apple, um, Apple pen.

The Taliban had a plane, the US had a building boom, 9/11.

What is an orphan's favorite movie?

Home Alone.

I wanted to make a joke about homework, but sadly, I'm an orphan.

I never do dark jokes, but when I feel like it, I prefer orphan jokes, 'cause they're the safest option. I mean, what are they gonna do, call their parents?

Q. What's a bulimic's favorite movie?

A. The Purge.

What is an orphan's least favorite TV show?

Family Feud.

I see, you guys jokers are SANS-ational!

How did I get to Iraq? I ran.

What do you call the worst joke ever?

Well, according to my mom, I am.

What do dark humor and a person with scoliosis have in common?

Both are sick and twisted.

A young boy is stood on the top of a cliff crying. A priest approaches and says, "Why are you crying my son?" "My parents just crashed the car off the cliff and died." "It's just not your day today is it?" Said the priest, unbuttoning his flies.

What's the difference between a priest and a pimple?

A pimple will wait until you're 12 years old to come on your face.