My friend said they were going to make a comeback. I told them to do it at the back of the throat.
Seeing one of her students making faces at others in the playground, Mrs. Matthews stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly, the teacher said, "When I was a child, I was told if I made ugly faces I would stay like that."
The student looked up and replied, "Well, you canโt say you werenโt warned, Mrs. Matthews!"
Ex-Boyfriend: You have no ass, so we're through!
Me: Stop being a dickhead, dude!! It ain't gonna make your little sausage any bigger!
What ya call a boomerang that wonโt come back? A stick
My mom told me, "You son of a b!tch." I told her, "I may be a son of a b!ch but at least I am not the bitch." She hated me forever.
A random guy yelled at me, "Hey, slut!"
I walked towards him.
"I prefer slit," I said.
"Why?" He asked.
"You see these wrists?" I spat at him.
Who is Joe?
You reply back: Who is Candice?
They reply back: Who is Candice?
You say: "Candice nuts fit into Joe Mama's mouth."
Person: You suck!
Me: Tell that to your mom, and sheโll say the same thing, honey. ๐
What does a dad and the Twin Towers have in common? What's there gone they never come back.
Whats the difference between your dad and grocery shopping he didn't come back with the milk
I forgot what a boomerang was. Oh well, itโll come back to me.
Why do orphans like boomerangs.Because they come back unlike their dad.
Guy: Fight me on Xbox. Guy: Oh right, you don't have one *laughs*
Me: Fight me in real life. Me: Oh right, you don't have a real life. *INSERTS APPLE BOTTOM JEANS*
2021-2022
Ex-bf's gf: You're so ugly as hell.
Me: Oh, did I mention that I was trying to be you?
Took my receipt to the sperm bank so I can get this comeback.
No, you!
Bully: Your fat.
Me: Fat is something to fix, but your face isn't.
What do you say to a bully?
I might not be perfect, but at least I'm not you!
