Comeback jokes
Friend, you're bold and fat.
Me: Bro, go to the bathroom and look at the mirror. You will probably break it.
Your so fat, my sister said. I said, "So at least I ain't fatter than your momma."
I have a friend who doesn't have a dad.
He says: "You're useless, go to hell!"
Me: "Wait, why do you want me to join your dad?"
7 year old Christian: *walks up to atheist menacingly* YoU nEeD sOmE jEsUs SaViNg!
Atheist: You prey to a Jewish zombie and I need saving?
If an old person tells you what to do just say, "At least my parents are alive!"
Seeing one of her students making faces at others in the playground, Mrs. Matthews stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly, the teacher said, "When I was a child, I was told if I made ugly faces I would stay like that."
The student looked up and replied, "Well, you can’t say you weren’t warned, Mrs. Matthews!"
Teacher: This assignment is big.
Student (male): I have something that's big.
Teacher: Yeah, your forehead.
Person: You suck!
Me: Tell that to your mom, and she’ll say the same thing, honey. 😎
Me: I will f**k ur mom.
Orphan: I don't have one.
Me: ......
Peter: *curses*
Sam: Wow, do you kiss your mom with that mouth?
Peter: Jokes on you, I don't have a mom.
Tony: *having a heart attack* AFSJDHFKJJD Peter, we talked about this!!!
BULLY vs. QUIET KID
Bully: I bet your dick is as small as a Tic Tac.
Quiet Kid: That's why your mom's breath smells so good.
QUIET KID WINS
If you're in a roast battle with a homophobe and they are talking mad shit, just say:
"The only thing looser than your mouth is your asshole!"
I was thinking of a good accident joke, and I asked my sister. She said, "you."
Me: Mom, we made a cake.
Bully: Guess what?
Me: What?
Bully: Nobody cares!
Me: Yeah, nobody cares about you!
If you need help, you will need trash, 'cause you the trash.
Sister: You're adopted.
Me: At least they wanted me, they must feel terribly bad cuz they had to keep you :(
No, you!
If someone says nobody asked, you could say, "Well, nobody asked for you to talk!"
When someone says you're adopted, say, "But you're still at the orphanage."
What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back?
A stick.