What's the difference between your dad and grocery shopping?
He didn't come back with the milk.
Seeing one of her students making faces at others in the playground, Mrs. Matthews stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly, the teacher said, "When I was a child, I was told if I made ugly faces I would stay like that."
The student looked up and replied, "Well, you canβt say you werenβt warned, Mrs. Matthews!"
When someone says you're adopted, say, "But you're still at the orphanage."
What's the best comeback for a person calling you an orphan?
Kill their parents.
An ugly, arrogant woman walked into a store with her 2 kids, yelling at them.
The store clerk pleasantly said, "Good morning ma'am and welcome. Nice children, are they twins?"
The ugly woman stopped yelling and said, "Hell no they are not, one is 9 and the other is 7. Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just bloody stupid?"
The clerk replied, "I'm neither blind nor stupid ma'am, I just can't believe someone would screw you twice."
Took my receipt to the sperm bank so I can get this comeback.
If someone says nobody asked, you could say, "Well, nobody asked for you to talk!"
Ex-bf's gf: You're so ugly as hell.
Me: Oh, did I mention that I was trying to be you?
Comebacks when someone say: Bully: "Your teeth is so yellow that when you start smiling you slow down the traffic." Say: "At least its brighter than your future."
My friend said they were going to make a comeback. I told them to do it at the back of the throat.
Bully: Hey virgin!
Victim: I'm not a virgin, just ask your sister.
Bully: I don't have a sister, dumbass.
Victim: Just wait nine months.
I forgot what a boomerang was. Oh well, itβll come back to me.
Why are orphans not boomerangs? Because they never come back.
Bully: I bet your dick is so small when you look down you can't see it.
Guy: I don't, I see your mom.
Why do orphans like boomerangs?
Because they come back, unlike their dad.
Guy: Fight me on Xbox. Guy: Oh right, you don't have one *laughs*
Me: Fight me in real life. Me: Oh right, you don't have a real life. *INSERTS APPLE BOTTOM JEANS*
2021-2022
What do you call a boomerang that wonβt come back?
A stick.
D.K. is back, baby!
Bully: Your fat.
Me: Fat is something to fix, but your face isn't.
What does a dad and the Twin Towers have in common?
Once they're gone, they never come back.
