Comeback jokes

Bully: Your fat.

Me: Fat is something to fix, but your face isn't.

What does a dad and the Twin Towers have in common?

Once they're gone, they never come back.

Who is Joe?

You reply back: Who is Candice?

They reply back: Who is Candice?

You say: "Candice nuts fit into Joe Mama's mouth."

What do you say to a bully?

I might not be perfect, but at least I'm not you!

Well, if someone ever calls you gay 🌈🏳️‍🌈, just say, "Well, at least I'm straighter than the pole your mommy dances on." 🤣🖕

My mom told me, "You son of a b!tch." I told her, "I may be a son of a b!ch but at least I am not the bitch." She hated me forever.

Woman: What’s a good comeback for my sexist husband when he tells me to go make him a sandwich?

Husband: I know! How about you COMEBACK with a goddamn sandwich?

Bully: "Nobody loves you."

Me: "Aww, it must have hurt when your mom told you that."

My husband told me to make him a sandwich. I was looking online for some comebacks. Someone online said, "You better come back with a goddamn sandwich!"

My friend: "Yo, stupid."

Me: "Is that right? And what exactly have you done in your lifetime that makes you Einstein?"

My friend: *rolls eyes* and says, "Whatever."

Me: "Keep on rolling them; you might find your brain in there."

Ex-Boyfriend: You have no ass, so we're through!

Me: Stop being a dickhead, dude!! It ain't gonna make your little sausage any bigger!

A brother and a sister always got into fights. One day the brother tells the sister, "You're adopted!" The sister yells back, "At least they wanted me!"

What does your mum and Istanbul have in common?

They are all insane comebacks!!!

Person: You suck!

Me: Tell that to your mom, and she’ll say the same thing, honey. 😎

I like playing with Yoyos, because at least they always come back.

Bully: "I bet your dick is so small when you look down in the shower you can't even see it."

Guy: "No, I see your sister's head."

A random guy yelled at me, "Hey, slut!"

I walked towards him.

"I prefer slit," I said.

"Why?" He asked.

"You see these wrists?" I spat at him.

Roses are red, Violets are blue... I fucked your mother's ass, and she had you.

Trump says to Obama, "You know it’s the White House, not the black house, right?" And Obama says, "Yeah, but it isn’t the orange house either."

No, you!