Come jokes
What is the difference between an orphan's dad and a boomerang?
Oh... one comes back.
"Knock knock."
"Come in."
People's music when friends are around: *rock*
When they are gone: "Come on, vamanos, everybody let's go!"
Dschoha's wife was accustomed to go out at night to meet her lover, which caused the neighbors to tease Dschoha. Thus, one night he stayed awake until she left, then locked the door and sat down just inside.
Upon returning, she found the door locked. She asked him to have mercy on her and to open the door, but he just scolded her.
Having given up hope for a good outcome, she said to him, "If you don't open the door for me, I'll jump into the well."
Then she picked up a large stone and threw it into the well. Filled with regret, he ran outside to see what had happened. His wife immediately slipped into the house and locked the door.
He made every effort to convince her to let him come inside, but she scolded him incessantly, saying, "This is what you get for staying out all night with your drunken friends!" And thus she succeeded in shaming him in the presence of all their neighbors.
Unfortunately, I had bad luck and faced infidelity.
Picture this: the bedroom door opens and I see my girlfriend in bed with two men...
I didn’t expect her to come back so early.
Conservatives when they hear about “liberal arts:” 👊😡
Liberals when they find out about forest conservation: 😩👐
Progressives when they see a reaction video: 🤬
Reactionaries when a Progressive ad comes on (Flo is annoying): 😱
Anticoms realizing they are a part of a “community:” *seizure*
Anticaps when they have to Capitalize Their Words: 😤
Anti-monarchists when they pass a Burger King: 🫨
Antisocs when they are told to “socialize:” 🫠
Corporatists when they see a corpse: 🤤
Antifash when they spot a fashion show: 🤮
Classical liberals when the TV shows Family Feud: 😑🔫
Extremists when they are told to shoot “dead center” (they have bad aim): 😠🖕
My Emo friend was coming over to my house. When he got there, he said, "Got a rope?" I asked why, and he said, "I want to make a swing."
Me: Ok so let's get this straight....
Cop: I'm not straight ok, now get in the car.
Me: But I didn't do anything?
Cop: No.
Me: So why are you arresting me then?
Cop: Imma tell you a story.
Me: Oh no.......
Cop: I know, now come on.
Me: Ok where?
Cop: My room.
Me: Which room?
Cop: My bedroom.
Me: 😱I'm a girl.
Cop: So am I, now get in.
Me: But I'm 9.
Cop: I'm 59.
This is not a joke, nor did I come up with it.
If somebody calls you ugly, just hug them and say, "Life must be hard for you since you have visual impairment!"
This guy went to the gas station to get some gas, and as he asked the cashier for gas he noticed a terrible smell. He asked what the smell was and the cashier replied, "That's your gas, cuz I farted. Now hand me the 20 bucks!"
The guy said, "No, not the kind that comes from your ass, but the kind you put in a car!" The cashier says, "That fart was worth 20 bucks, so beat it!"
Guy says, "I need real gas, nothing about your ass impresses me!" Then another guy gets in line and says, "I know the guy personally, we grew up together. Always trying to be the cool kid in school, bragging about his big horse's ass...no wonder he was always the *butt* of all jokes!"
Knock knock. Who's there? Colin! Colin who? Colonisation!
Just kidding, colonisers don't knock before they come in.
Your manna so fat your father will be coming around the mountain when he cums.
I talk with a friend about something and there comes Quandangle, things with his shoes, and I'm just like, "Bro, what the heeeeel?"
Let's play twin towers, your thighs are the towers and my penis is the plane, coming in between.
poop i eat it for dinner i eat it at night yet it never comes out of me? how is that possibul?
pOOp
Little Johnny was told by his friend that if you go to your parents and say: "I know the truth," they give you money.
So Little Johnny says to his mum, "I know the truth," so his mum hands him 20 dollars and tells him not to tell anyone. So when Little Johnny’s dad gets home, Little Johnny says, "I know the truth." His dad hands him $50 and says not to tell anyone. So Little Johnny tries it on the postman and says, "I know the truth," and the postman says, "Come here, son."
"Bippity Bobbity Boo, Boo Radley is coming for you!"
What should you name a dog without any legs?
It doesn't really matter. No matter what you yell, he's not coming.
What does Santa Claus and Bill Cosby have in common?
They both come while you’re asleep.
Why are blind people bad at catching things? Because they never see it coming.