Christmas jokes
I got LEGOs for Christmas, and my friend got her father's headstone.
What do you call a person who's afraid of Santa?
Klaustrophobic.
A boy got a soccer ball and a bike for Christmas. Why is he sad?
He doesn’t have legs.
What do gay people get for Christmas?
Discrimination.
So a girl goes to Santa in the mall, and Santa asks what she would like for Christmas. So the kid says: “a little sister”. So then Santa says: “bring me your mother!”
It's Christmas morning, and all the decorations are done, but the tree looks like it's missing something. *grabs the noose*
Why is Santa's sack so big? Because he only comes once a year.
What did the homeless person get for Christmas?
- Nothing.
Your mama so old, her first Christmas was the first Christmas!
Brrr, it's fucking cold outside, aye? What do you guys want for Christmas? A sweet video game? Maybe a cool action figure? Oh, how about the latest phone!
Who me? Oh, I guess... I wish snow could melt as fast as the snowflakes that downvote good jokes! Merry Christmas, ya filthy animals!
Why are Christmas trees banned at the mental hospital?
They would hang themselves like ornaments.
It is September. What's the difference between a stage four colon cancer patient and Santa Claus? Santa is coming for Christmas!
Why don’t Chinese kids get to celebrate Christmas?
'Cause they're the ones making the toys.
Your mama so ugly, when Santa Claus came to her house and saw her, he said, "HO HO HOLY SHIT THAT'S ONE UGLY BITCH!"
My family was watching Home Alone 2, so whenever Kevin was at the top of the Twin Towers, I threw a paper airplane at the T.V.
What did Sally get for Christmas?
Cancer.
Why is Santa's sack always full?
Because he only comes once a year.
What's the only thing Mexicans can unwrap on Christmas? Tamales.
My child is ungrateful. I got him a bike for Christmas and he didn't say thank you. No, he said, "Dad, I don't have any legs!"
Why did Helen Keller have no ornaments on her Christmas tree?
'Cause she always dropped them.