Christmas jokes
What did the blind kid get for Christmas? He hasn’t seen it yet...
What did the kids with no arms get? He doesn’t know, he’s still trying to figure out how to open it. :))))
Why do Christmas trees like wheelchairs? Because they have kids.
What's the only thing Mexicans can unwrap on Christmas? Tamales.
Who comes once a year and makes your kids cry?
Rapey Santa.
What did the blind man say on Christmas?
"I can feel your presents!"
Yo mama so ugly, that when Santa came down the chimney he said, "Ho, ho- HOLY SHIT!"
Your breath is so bad that when Santa came to your house for your present, he brought toothpaste.
Why do orphans hate Christmas?
Father Christmas isn’t a thing.
Why was Stephen Hawking disappointed when he got his Christmas present? It was singing lessons.
You know how in the movie, "Nightmare Before Christmas," they say they're making Christmas?
I thought Mary and Joseph did, but okay.
A kid got a bike and a soccer ball for Christmas. He was still unhappy.
Why?
The kid had no legs.
Last Christmas, I took a picture of your mom.
It's still printing.
What did the cow say to his relatives on Christmas day?
Moorry Christmas!
(Even though cows can't really have religions.)
If I don't get a partner for Christmas this year, mistletoe won't be the only thing hanging from the ceiling.
Joe Mama so fat that when Santa came to our house he said, "Ho ho HOLY SHIT, she damn thick."
Q: Why did the emo kid get jealous on Xmas?
A: He saw the ornaments hanging.
Why don't Chinese children believe in Santa?
Because they're the ones making the toys.
I made an advent calendar for a Jehovah’s Witness.
Behind every door someone tells you to fuck off.
Steven Hawking was so excited for Christmas till he realized he got socks.
I hope all of you had a great merry Christmas, a happy Hanukkah, a good whatever you celebrate! I got so much this year, over $300 of fishing gear, a small 2011 coin mint collection, some coins from the Nazi party, a remote control car, 100 dollars, and more. Say what you guys got in the comments.