Chinese jokes
Every culture has weird food.
Australians eat vegemite. The British eat haggis. The French eat snails. The Chinese eat dogs. The Americans eat their young siblings' private parts.
Why don’t Chinese kids get to celebrate Christmas?
'Cause they're the ones making the toys.
Q: Name a murderer?
A: Jews: Hitler. Russians: Stalin. Chinese: Mao. Americans: Bin Laden. Aborted fetus: My mom.
Two guys are captured by native Chinese. They give them two choices: 1. Death. 2. 他妈的
The first guy: What's 他妈的?
The Chinese: Fucking.
The first guy chooses death.
Second guy to himself: Well, I'll let these sick fucks fuck me. At least I'll be alive...
The Chinese: Come on, we don't have all day.
Second guy: I choose 他妈的.
The Chinese: Ok, 他妈的 to the death!
What do you call a Chinese car thief?
Tommy Tookamota.
Why can't Indians play football?
Every time they get a corner, they open up a shop. 🙉
How do Chinese parents name their children?
Dropping a pan down the stairs. Bing, Bong, Dong.
If you're a cat person, never let hungry Chinese into your house. They might just have a snack.
How do you name a Chinese person?
You drop a metal spoon on a tile floor.
There were four people in a helicopter: Trump, a first-grade kid, a schoolteacher, and the Chinese leader.
There were only three parachutes. The Chinese leader takes one and jumps. The schoolteacher says she has to teach, so she jumps. Trump and the first-grader are left. Trump says, "I've lived my life; you take the last one." So the kid puts on his backpack and jumps. Trump makes it out safe.
What do you call 2 wings and a halo?
A Chinese phone call: "Wing wing halo!" 🤪
What did the Chinese guy say to the Italian guy?
同性恋球蜥蜴 (translate it)
Toilet: hi You: hi what?
Why is the fanny flat? Because so it can flop about.
Why did the snake eat a panda?
Two Chinese men walk into a bar.
"Owwwwwwwwwww," they say instead of "ouch."
POV: A person made you mad, but you're Chinese and they have a cat. "CHING CHONG, CHING CHONG, CHING CHONG, BITCH."
What does a waiter in a Chinese restaurant call a customer that won't leave a tip? A "plick."
How do Chinese people name their children?
They drop a tin can down a flight of stairs and call them the sound that's made.
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To get the Chinese Daily!
Get it? I don't either--I get the New York Times!