Children jokes
What time do babies get dirty?
Playtime.
What is big and fun and yellow? A school bus!
They say I’m sliced like the apples in a kids meal.
What does McDonald's and a Catholic priest have in common?
They both put their meat in 10-year-old buns.
A man is sitting on a bench at a playground where children are playing. A man named Chris comes up and asks, “Which one is yours?” The man said, “I don’t know, I’m still deciding.”
If your kid beats up an orphan, what are they going to do? Tell their parents?
What's the difference between a bus full of children and a fish?
The fish can swim.
Why did the kids love the mushrooms?
Because they're fun-guys!
Remember kids, when you're angry, burn down an orphanage. Then they'll really be living the hard knock life.
A teacher is doing an experiment about taste. She tells each student to line up so she can give them each a lifesaver, so they can tell her what flavor it is. She gives Suzy a pineapple one. Suzy tries it, says the flavor, and then goes and sits back down. That is the same for everyone, then it is Jhonny's turn. The teacher hands him a honey flavor one. Jhonny chews it for a while, then says,
"Teacher, I don't know what it is.". The teacher tries to give him a hint and says, "it's what your parents call each other when you are asleep". Immediately the boy behind Jhonny screams, "Spit it out Jhonny, it's an asshole!!!"
Why is Stephen Hawking a bad influence on children?
Because he only looks one way when crossing the road.
Why are orphans not allowed in stores?
Because else they would actually feel at home.
Where do Eagles send their children to study?
The Alpha birds.
Where does Santa send his children to study?
The Elf-phabets.
When I was in 4th grade, we wrote letters to kids in the hospital. I wrote: "It is a bumpy road but soon it will be a straight path." Not many people know I was talking about their heart monitor.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a shopping bag?
One's made of plastic and is dangerous for children to play with, the other one carries your shopping.
A family had a very disobedient dog. It would bite the children’s hands when they pet the animal, the dog would piss on everything, and it would chew their shoes. This is why it was adopted.
Why did they make bus stops? So the bus driver would know where to pick the orphan up.
How many orphans does it take to "test drive" a bus? It depends on how much space the orphanage has and how much space the cemetery has.
Why do most orphans become prostitutes?
“Because they always wanted a daddy.”