How do you keep your friends from boring you with pictures of their children?
Every time they show you a new one, you say, "Oh FUCK yeah!"
What's the number 1 cause of pedophilia?
Sexy kids.
Why can't orphans watch PG movies? Because they are parental guidance.
Kid: I don't want to go to the movies.
Mom: Shut your mouth and clean my room!
What’s the difference between a Ferrari and ten 6-year-olds?
I don’t have a Ferrari in my garage.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't find home.
What Kind of Hardware store can't orphans go into?
Home Depot.