Children jokes
What's hot and hard?
Me when I look at children.
What has 4 legs and 1 arm?
A pitbull in a children's play area.
20 years of sex in the dark, the wife finds out he was using a dildo. The wife gets angry and says, "Explain the dildo, prick." The husband says, "Explain the children, bitch."
What do you call a convict in prison for touching little girls? A boy named Brandon.
Can orphans eat at a family restaurant?
Why does Peter Pan always fly? Because he Neverlands.
A priest and a rabbi run out of a burning church, and the priest says, "What about the children?" The rabbi says, "Fuck the children." And the priest says, "Do you think we'll have time?"
How many beaten children does it take to change a light bulb for a drunken father?
Apparently not enough to impress him.
Alle Kinder heißen Melissa, nur nicht Melissa, er heißt Kurt fra Zonen.
What's the difference between an apple and a dead baby?
I don't jizz on an apple before eating it.
Why do priests appreciate educated children?
They don't spit.
Dad: 🦆
Kid: ?
Dad: 🦆🦆
Kid: Huh?
Dad: Ur too late...
Kid: WHAT!
Dad: .... GOOSE!
What's the best thing about dead baby jokes?
They never grow old.
How do you get 100 babies in the back of a pick up truck? Blender.
How do you get them back out? Straw.
What is more time-consuming than children?
Waiting for your wife to go into labor!
What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas?
Gloves........ just kidding, he hasn’t opened it yet.
Why did Susie fall off the swing?
Because she didn't have any arms.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not Susie.
Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they don't know where home is...
I have eaten 6 babies, 9 adolescent children, and 2 infants in the past week ;p
Dark humor never gets old, just like children with cancer.