Children jokes
Why do orphans always get picked on?
They can't run and tell their parents.
Stop with the dead baby jokes. We're running out of babies.
The person to make the first cannabinol cookbook had a wife and ate (eight) children.
What's yellow and can't swim?
A bus full of children.
Grandpa: "You can't have phones within 15 feet of the table."
Me: "And you aren't allowed within 100 feet of the elementary school."
Why are babies called bundles of joy?
When you break the bundle, it gives you joy.
Why are orphans bad at baseball?
Because they don’t know what a home is.
What do you call a five year old with no friends?
A Sandy Hook survivor.
Q: A mom had 5 children: January, February, March, April. What is the name of the fifth child?
A: What.
How do you knock out 26 kids in one punch?
You give them a Sandy Hook.
How do you fit 1000 babies in a swimming pool?
A blender.
How do you get them out? Slurp them up with a straw.
What's the difference between a baby and garlic bread? I feel bad when I drop garlic bread.
What does Michael Jackson and a Playstation have in common?
They're both made of plastic and children turn them on.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
It depends on how hard you throw them.
Many years of sex in the dark.
The wife finds out he was using a dildo. The wife gets angry and says, "Explain the dildo, prick!"
The husband says, "Explain the children, bitch!"
Do you want to know why they call it an orphanage? Because they couldn't call it orphans home.
I donated 100 dollars to a blind children’s charity. Too bad they won’t ever see a dime of it.
You're the bus driver. The bus driver picks up twenty kids, drops two, picks up eighty. Drops seven, picks up a woman with green eyes, drops off a man with blue, kicks a kid in the face, and buried his mother.
Who's the bus driver?
You will never nose [know].
How do Chinese people name their children?
They throw pots and pans down the stairs and listen for the sounds, "Ching Chong Chang."
Children should never run with scissors, and lesbians should never scissor with the runs.