Childhood jokes
Catholic men say eating broccoli is like anal sex.
If you’re forced to have it as a child, you probably won’t like it as an adult.
The top worst thing for an orphan, and probably the most awkward one, is when they're having sex and the other person is calling them "mommy" or "daddy."
Why couldn’t little Susie stay on the swing?
She had no arms.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Not Susie.
What do you get from childhood drama? A ginger with autism.
Why are orphans very abusive to their kids?
Because they never had loving parents of their own.
I was raised as an only child.
Which really annoyed my twin sister.
What's orphans' favorite game? Housekeeping.
What does a frozen loading screen and a Make-A-Wish kid have in common?
They both couldn't make it all the way.
Why do orphans like boomerangs?
Because then they can play catch.
Why can't an orphan play baseball? They don't know where home is.
What was Stephen Hawking's favorite toy as a kid?
Hot Wheels.
Why don’t orphans play hide and seek?
Because no one will look for them.
Why do orphans like boomerangs so much?
Because they come back.
Kid at school tells an orphan, "I fucked your mom."
Orphan: "What's a mom?"
What do orphans, parents, and a ball have in common?
If you throw them, they both will never come back.
What's the difference between boogers and broccoli?
Kids won't eat the broccoli.
There was once a kid named Timmy. His father and mother went to bed one night and didn't hear or see Timmy come with them.
They all get under the covers. Timmy, still unnoticed, looks under the covers and lets out a blood-curdling scream. "MOMMY, WATCH OUT! THERE IS A SNAKE GOING INTO YOUR BIG BLACK HAIRY BUSH!" And he proceeds to say, "DON'T WORRY MOMMY, I'LL GET IT!" And he takes his father's penis in his mouth and chomps down.
Now I want you to think what their breakfast conversation was the next morning.
Little Johnny's neighbor just had a baby. He got invited to dinner with his neighbor. Little Johnny's dad said if he mentioned "ears" he will get a spank.
So Johnny looked in the bassinet. They were talking about the new baby. Johnny's mum said, "What beautiful eyes."
"That is great," said little Johnny, "because he will be stuffed if he needed glasses."
So, on one partly cloudy night, there was a boy and his dad gazing up at the sky.
Dad: Aren't the stars just wonderful?
Boy: I'm not sure, from my angle, all I see are clouds.
Dad: Well, come over here and take a look.
Boy: Damn, the clouds always move when I get to the right spot!
Dad: Well then, I guess I will have to make you see them everywhere you look then.
Then the Dad shook and spun the boy around till he said...
NOW I'M SEEING STARS!!!
Elementary school kids: School is fun.
Me: Yeah, yeah, just keep believing that.