Police: Come with me, I’m taking you home.
Orphan: Well, we need to find them first.
Police: Then I don’t need to take you home.
Q: Why do orphans love playing tennis?
A: Because the ball comes back.
My mom left me at a very young age.
New Teacher: I was an orphan as a kid.
Students: Damn.
Teacher: Is anyone missing?
Students: Your parents!
Why couldn’t the orphan run away from home?
Because it didn’t have one.
What’s a pedophile’s favorite band? Kids Bop.
What's the difference between an onion and a baby? I only tear up cutting the onion.
Johnny: Why do cuss words exist?
Mom: That's not something you should think about right now. I'll tell you when you're older.
|| 20 YEARS LATER ||
Johnny: Mom, now can you tell me why cuss words exist?
Mom: Because some people invented them so that they could use them when something annoying happened to them.
Johnny: Damn, Mom, you shoulda told me that when I was still seven 'cause now I really feel like that person.
Q: Why can you be rude to an orphan?
A: Because who are they gonna tell their parents?
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
Because they can't make a home run.
Elementary school kids: School is fun.
Me: Yeah, yeah, just keep believing that.
Why did an orphan say, "I'm wanted?" Because they wanted to feel a lie in their life.
Little Johnny's neighbor just had a baby. He got invited to dinner with his neighbor. Little Johnny's dad said if he mentioned "ears" he will get a spank.
So Johnny looked in the bassinet. They were talking about the new baby. Johnny's mum said, "What beautiful eyes."
"That is great," said little Johnny, "because he will be stuffed if he needed glasses."
When you ask your mom for candy but you grab from the wrong drawer...
Why do orphans use water for their cereal?
Because their dad never came back with the milk.
One time Little Johnny saw someone in his yard tying a rope to a tree, and he moved the stool and the tree broke. Little Johnny screamed, "HAHA! You're skinny enough to break the tree!"
When I was 11, my mom came home from the bar super drunk that night, and I just wanted to know if they knew where the cat was because I heard a noise. We had a loooooooong talk the next morning.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite tv show?
Family Guy.
Dad: Johnny, Johnny?
Johnny: Yes, Papa.
Dad: Getting women?
Johnny: Yes, Papa.
Dad: Telling lies?
Johnny: No, Papa.
Dad: Well, you're 100% lying because you get NO WOMEN!
My father touched me yesterday. I called him a priest.
