Child jokes

On a scale of Johnny Depp having an erectile dysfunction to Michael Jackson exposing himself in a child day care center, how hard is it to get into Oxford?

So, this guy and his wife figure out that she has gotten pregnant. The baby is due March 31st. Well, the guy is at work and he gets a call from his wife. She tells him she is going into labor. He rushes to pick her up, and once he is on the road, he starts speeding. Eventually, he hits another car and swerves off the road into a ditch. He wakes up in the hospital, looks around but doesn’t see his wife. He asks the doctor, "Is my wife okay? She was carrying my child." The doctor said the wife is fine and the baby is in good health. 10 seconds later he goes, "APRIL FOOLS! Your wife is dead and your child has brain damage."

1 like = 1 more child in my fryer.

What do you call a kid who's been kidnapped?

Well, her name's Sally, so I guess... Sally. My main concern is getting her out of the freezer.

One day I was walking around, then saw this mom mad at her kid and screamed, "You're adopted!" He said, "Yeah, I know. My REAL mommy is still at home with daddy."

What's an orphan's favorite part in the Wizard of Oz?

When Dorothy says, "There's no place like home."

What's the difference between a child and a carrot? About 140 calories.

What is an orphan's least favorite movie?

Spider-Man, because it told them there was no way home.

What do you call children born from incest?

Gross Domestic Product.

What is the difference between an orphan and Pikachu? Pikachu, I choose you!

Me: Brings in missing child.

Police: OMG this kid has been missing for 3 months. Here is your reward.

Me: Oh, cool.

NEXT DAY

Me: Brings in 8 other kids.

Police :0 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What is the difference between a washing machine and a child?

The washing machine doesn't cry when you put a load in it.

I made a website to adopt orphans. But there is no home page.

I asked a kid at my work where his parents were. He started crying. Man, I don't know what I did. I'll ask another kid at the orphanage.

My dad’s nickname for me is ‘Tiger’.

Now, my wrists look like a tiger.

I was walking down the street and saw a kid and I said, "Are you an orphan?"

He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?"

I said, "Your parents at first."

I would tell you an orphan joke, ehh I’ll just tell your parents instead.

My mum once told me, "How do you spell Mississippi?" and I said, "Misisipi." But she said, "No, it goes mi-ss-i-ss-pp-i," and I laughed when she said "pp." Then she said, "Why are you laughing?" I tried saying, "You said pp," but I was laughing too hard.

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan? The apple's actually get picked.

No one cares if you bully an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?