Child jokes

A blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.

She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you."

She then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, Blonde."

The blonde then taped the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents.

The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?"

On a scale of Johnny Depp having an erectile dysfunction to Michael Jackson exposing himself in a child day care center, how hard is it to get into Oxford?

So, this guy and his wife figure out that she has gotten pregnant. The baby is due March 31st. Well, the guy is at work and he gets a call from his wife. She tells him she is going into labor. He rushes to pick her up, and once he is on the road, he starts speeding. Eventually, he hits another car and swerves off the road into a ditch. He wakes up in the hospital, looks around but doesn’t see his wife. He asks the doctor, "Is my wife okay? She was carrying my child." The doctor said the wife is fine and the baby is in good health. 10 seconds later he goes, "APRIL FOOLS! Your wife is dead and your child has brain damage."

1 like = 1 more child in my fryer.

What do you call a kid who's been kidnapped?

Well, her name's Sally, so I guess... Sally. My main concern is getting her out of the freezer.

One day I was walking around, then saw this mom mad at her kid and screamed, "You're adopted!" He said, "Yeah, I know. My REAL mommy is still at home with daddy."

What is an orphan's least favorite movie?

Spider-Man, because it told them there was no way home.

What is the difference between an orphan and Pikachu? Pikachu, I choose you!

What do you call children born from incest?

Gross Domestic Product.

What's the difference between a child and a carrot? About 140 calories.

What's an orphan's favorite part in the Wizard of Oz?

When Dorothy says, "There's no place like home."

What is the difference between a washing machine and a child?

The washing machine doesn't cry when you put a load in it.

I made a website to adopt orphans. But there is no home page.

What do orphans, parents, and trees have in common? They leafed.

Imagine getting a call and it says, "Welcome to David's orphanage. You make them, we take them. How may we help you?"

Why can't orphans play baseball?

Because they can't make it to home.

A few kids were talking about how big their houses were. Kids were pointing to huge houses and huge apartments. One little boy said, "Bet I have the biggest home." To everyone's surprise, he pointed right towards the massive orphanage.

Why did orphans want to commit a crime?

Because they wanted to see what it feels like to be wanted.

No one cares if you bully an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

I would tell you an orphan joke, ehh I’ll just tell your parents instead.