So, this guy and his wife figure out that she has gotten pregnant. The baby is due March 31st. Well, the guy is at work and he gets a call from his wife. She tells him she is going into labor. He rushes to pick her up, and once he is on the road, he starts speeding. Eventually, he hits another car and swerves off the road into a ditch. He wakes up in the hospital, looks around but doesn’t see his wife. He asks the doctor, "Is my wife okay? She was carrying my child." The doctor said the wife is fine and the baby is in good health. 10 seconds later he goes, "APRIL FOOLS! Your wife is dead and your child has brain damage."
What do you call a kid who's been kidnapped?
Well, her name's Sally, so I guess... Sally. My main concern is getting her out of the freezer.
One day I was walking around, then saw this mom mad at her kid and screamed, "You're adopted!" He said, "Yeah, I know. My REAL mommy is still at home with daddy."
What is an orphan's least favorite movie?
Spider-Man, because it told them there was no way home.
What is the difference between an orphan and Pikachu? Pikachu, I choose you!
What do you call children born from incest?
Gross Domestic Product.
What's the difference between a child and a carrot? About 140 calories.
What's an orphan's favorite part in the Wizard of Oz?
When Dorothy says, "There's no place like home."
I made a website to adopt orphans. But there is no home page.
What do orphans, parents, and trees have in common? They leafed.
Imagine getting a call and it says, "Welcome to David's orphanage. You make them, we take them. How may we help you?"
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't make it to home.
A few kids were talking about how big their houses were. Kids were pointing to huge houses and huge apartments. One little boy said, "Bet I have the biggest home." To everyone's surprise, he pointed right towards the massive orphanage.
Why did orphans want to commit a crime?
Because they wanted to see what it feels like to be wanted.
No one cares if you bully an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
I would tell you an orphan joke, ehh I’ll just tell your parents instead.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan? The apple's actually get picked.
What's the difference between an orphan and cotton?
One gets picked.
My mum once told me, "How do you spell Mississippi?" and I said, "Misisipi." But she said, "No, it goes mi-ss-i-ss-pp-i," and I laughed when she said "pp." Then she said, "Why are you laughing?" I tried saying, "You said pp," but I was laughing too hard.
A Sunday school teacher asked her children on the way to service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" One little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."
