Child jokes
What’s the difference between a priest and target?
Nothing, they both have children’s pants half off.
Little Johnny was late to class. The teacher asked him where he was. Little Johnny said, "I was on top of Marry Hill." Then a kid comes late to class and also said he was on Marry Hill. Then a little girl that's about 4 or 5 comes in. The teacher asks, "Who are you?" She said, "I'M MARRY HILL!"
When I'm chilling and a little kid ruins my moment.
Why does an orphan go to a spelling bee?
So they can spell "home."
What is an orphan's favorite song? "Lost Boy."
What is the difference between an adopted kid and an orphan?
If you're adopted, you're actually wanted.
What did the kid with no hands get for Christmas? Gloves!
Just kidding, he hasn’t opened it yet.
What do you call an orphan family tree?
A tree stump.
Yoo! I found a $100 bill, found a child who said they lost their $100 bill. Gave them $25.
When God gives you glory, you give it back.
What’s the difference between an orphan and an apple? The apple gets picked.
What’s a depressed kid’s favorite game? Hangman.
What’s missing from an orphan's iPad?
The home button.
Are you a white van? Because I would love to put children in you.
What is red and very rare?
A child in a blender.
How many babies does it take to replace a light bulb? I'm guessing more than 10 cause it's still dark in my basement.
What happened to the eight-year-old boy that needed to go to the bathroom during church?
The priest stopped him on the way there.
I tried to give directions to an orphan, but he got lost because there was no home.
I kicked the shit out of Little Johnny.
So, a woman gives birth to a child, and the doctor grabs it by the leg and holds it upside down. Then, he starts swinging it around the room, slamming it into the furniture. The mother tries to get up and starts screaming and crying, “Let my baby go, you sick bastard!” The doctor looks at the mother and stops swinging the baby. He is holding it by the left leg and starts chuckling, “I’m just kidding, it was already dead.”
Why doesn’t Joe Biden visit children with cancer in hospitals?
Because he can’t sniff their hair.