Child jokes
How do you keep your friends from boring you with pictures of their children?
Every time they show you a new one, you say, "Oh FUCK yeah!"
A fully grown bull Great White Shark is 15 feet long and can open its jaws up to 1.2 meters long. It could eat a small child in seconds. Anyways, I lost my job at the aquarium...
It's opposite day today. I'm gonna tell an orphan that their parents are here.
What is an orphan's least favorite TV show?
Family Feud.
What do you call an orphan family tree?
A tree stump.
Thomas the child.
How do terrorists feed their children?
Here comes the airplane.
What’s green and orange and sits at the bottom of the swimming pool?
A baby with burst armbands.
Why was the boy crying?
He had a frog stapled to his face.
How many dead children does it take to change the light in a basement?
More than ten, apparently.
Is it bad to hit an orphan?
It's not like they'll tell their parents.
Why can’t you kidnap an orphan?
Because you can’t steal what was never wanted in the first place.
One day Timmy walks in on his mum in the bath. Then he asks, “What’s that dark fuzzy thing, mummy?” and mum said, “It’s a bush, every girl has one!” Then the next day he walks in on his dad in the shower. So he asks, “Daddy, what’s that long thing?” The dad then says, “It’s a sexy boy” accidentally. Timmy asks his dad, “What does sexy mean?” And the dad says, “Your mother, of course,” making it seem like a child-friendly compliment. Then the next day at school Timmy wanted to compliment his teacher. He walks up to her and says, “You’re so so sexy!”
My ex was an orphan as a child.
I should have taken that as the first sign.
If her parents didn't want her, why would I?
Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
A. Ask your mother.
What's worse than placing 10 babies in a trash can?
Placing 1 baby in 10 trash cans...
If her age is on the clock, she gets the cock.
What do pedophiles call children in wheelchairs?
"Meals on Wheels."
How many orphans does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, they don't even got a home.
What do the Spanish people call child abuse? Pedrophile.
So the other day, I saw a child in a wheelchair.
He was getting bullied a lot, so I came up and said, "Why don't you stand up to those bullies?"