Child jokes
I feel sad for orphans. They can't watch Star Wars because it's parental guidance.
No matter how kind you are, German children are kinder.
What's the difference between a bus full of children and a fish?
The fish can swim.
Me: Are you an orphan?
Boy: Yeah, what gave me away?
Me: ....ur parents.
What do you call a Catholic priest who molests children?
A Catholic priest.
Why did little Billy drop his ice cream cone?
Because he got hit by a bus.
So, I was in the woods the other day raping this woman when she screamed, 'Please! Think of my children!'
I thought, 'Ooo, you kinky bitch.'
An orphan walks into a supermarket, gets lost and calls for his mum, then remembers.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a shopping bag?
One's made of plastic and is dangerous for children to play with, the other one carries your shopping.
What are the similarities between an orphan and a newborn plant?
Both their parents were separated.
What do you call a happy child swinging with her friends at recess?
Not Sally.
Which sex position produces the ugliest children?
Go ask your mother.
Pedophiles are fucking immature assholes.
What's the difference between orphans and apples?
Apples get picked.
Why do orphans rob banks?
Because they wanna feel wanted.
Today, my mom gave me a lecture on how to stay safe during school shootings. When my brother walked past, my mom asked me a question: "What do you think of going through kids' heads during a school shooting?" That's when my brother came back downstairs and said to me and my mom, "Bullets." We don't talk about this anymore.
What do you call a boomerang that does not come back?
An orphan's parents.
What has 50 legs but can't walk?
25 disabled children.
Little Sally found out that she had hair on her private area and went up to her mom and asked, "Mom, I have hair on my privates, what is it?"
"Oh honey, that's your monkey," the mom says.
So little Sally runs up to her big sister and says, "My monkey has hair on it!" So the sister replies with a laugh, "You think that's cool? My monkey is already eating bananas!"
I told kids to make a family tree. God, I love working at the orphanages.