Child jokes
A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of childbirth to the father. He asks if it is okay to use the new device. The couple agrees, and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing. They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing. They keep doing this until they have the machine up to 100%. The man still felt nothing so they go home happy, until they find the milkman dead on the porch.
Why did little Timmy drop his ice cream cone?
He got hit by a bus.
What do the N and F in "orphan" stand for?
"No family."
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because they can’t find their way home.
If an illegal immigrant fights against a child molester, would that be "Alien vs Predator"?
One day, I saw a kid sitting on the curb dressed in rags. I asked if he was an orphan. He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?" I said, "His parents."
Stop, orphan joke!
How do terrorists feed their kids?
"Here comes the airplane, and here comes the second one."
Why do orphans not play sport?
Because they need parents' permission.
What does an abortion joke and a fetus have in common... The joke never gets old, and neither does the kid.
A father and son duo are sitting at a table, eating breakfast. The father looks at the child and says, "I'm hungry." The child looks at the father and replies, "Hi Hungry, I'm Son." The father calls his father and asks why he was named Hungry.
Why is an orphan really good at being naughty?
Because they have no one to tell them off.
What's an orphan's favorite movie? "Going Home."
What did Nemo's dad say? "Man, he's a lot like my dad, I can never find him!"
Orphans have 362 days in a year because they don’t have a Mother’s or Father’s Day and no birthday.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they have nowhere to run home.
What is an orphan's first step to the orphanage?
Why can’t orphans go on field trips? Because they need parent permission.
When your wife gets pregnant and you don't want a kid, just come on down to Momma Mia's Pizzeria and abortion clinic!
I love orphans. They're precious.