Child jokes

What do you call an orphan's family region?

Me time.

Why couldn't the orphan use the swing? Because they had no arms.

Why do orphans go on holiday?

To see what family is like.

A man and a child walk into a forest.

The kid says, "Um, sir, it's getting dark, and I'm getting kinda scared."

The man says, "Yeah, well, think how I feel. I have to walk back out alone."

What is an orphan's favorite movie? Home Alone.

Bowling is like child support: it involves balls.

What time do babies get dirty?

Playtime.

Why don't a gun and an orphan have anything in common? The gun is actually useful.

If you're having a bad day, just slap an orphan. Who are they going to tell? Their parents?

What is the difference between Juice Wrld and an orphan?

One is loved by all.

So, on one partly cloudy night, there was a boy and his dad gazing up at the sky.

Dad: Aren't the stars just wonderful?

Boy: I'm not sure, from my angle, all I see are clouds.

Dad: Well, come over here and take a look.

Boy: Damn, the clouds always move when I get to the right spot!

Dad: Well then, I guess I will have to make you see them everywhere you look then.

Then the Dad shook and spun the boy around till he said...

NOW I'M SEEING STARS!!!

Why was the kid sad?

He was adopted.

What did the kid with no hands get for Christmas? Gloves!

Just kidding, he hasn’t opened it yet.

I live inside my own world of make-believe. Kids screaming in their cradles, profanities. I see the world through eyes covered in ink and bleach. Cross out the ones who heard my cries and watched me weep. I love everything. Fire's spreading all around my room. My world's so bright. It's hard to breathe, but that's alright. Hush, shh.

Tape my eyes open to force reality (oh no, no). Why can't you just let me eat my weight in glee? I live inside my own world of make-believe. Kids screaming in their cradles, profanities. Some days I feel skinnier than all the other days, And some days I can't tell if my body belongs to me. I love everything. Fire's spreading all around my room. My world's so bright. It's hard to breathe, but that's alright. Hush, shh.

I wanna taste your content. Hold your breath and feel the tension. Devils hide behind redemption. Honesty is a one-way gate to hell. I wanna taste consumption. Breathe faster to waste oxygen. Hear the children sing aloud. It's music 'til the wick burns out. Hush.

Just wanna be carefree lately, yeah. Just kicking up daisies. Got one too many quarters in my pockets. Count 'em like the four-leaf clovers in my locket. Untied laces, yeah. Just tripping on daydreams. Got dirty little lullabies playing on repeat. Might as well just rot around the nursery and count sheep.

I was literally cradlesnatched as a child.

Yeah, in the arms of an older woman experiencing my first rounds of motorboating.

And Mary said God had given her a child, so Joseph went and joined Fathers For Justice.

What should orphans do when their parents aren’t there? The usual.

What's yellow and can't swim?

A bus full of toddlers.

My son.

What's long, yellow, and can't swim?

A school bus full of children.