Child jokes

What's the difference between a bus full of children and a fish?

The fish can swim.

How do you stop a baby from crawling around in a circle on the floor?

You nail its other hand to the floor.

What do you call a Catholic priest who molests children?

A Catholic priest.

When I was a child, my parents told me my uncle was 'sleeping with the fishes.' At first, I thought he bought a water bed, but I then discovered he was killed and buried at sea.

What do you call a happy child swinging with her friends at recess?

Not Sally.

I feel sad for orphans. They can't watch Star Wars because it's parental guidance.

Me: Are you an orphan?

Boy: Yeah, what gave me away?

Me: ....ur parents.

Why did little Billy drop his ice cream cone?

Because he got hit by a bus.

An orphan walks into a supermarket, gets lost and calls for his mum, then remembers.

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a shopping bag?

One's made of plastic and is dangerous for children to play with, the other one carries your shopping.

What are the similarities between an orphan and a newborn plant?

Both their parents were separated.

Pedophiles are fucking immature assholes.

Which sex position produces the ugliest children?

Go ask your mother.

What's the difference between orphans and apples?

Apples get picked.

What has 50 legs but can't walk?

25 disabled children.

Why do orphans rob banks?

Because they wanna feel wanted.

Today, my mom gave me a lecture on how to stay safe during school shootings. When my brother walked past, my mom asked me a question: "What do you think of going through kids' heads during a school shooting?" That's when my brother came back downstairs and said to me and my mom, "Bullets." We don't talk about this anymore.

What do you call a boomerang that does not come back?

An orphan's parents.

Little Sally found out that she had hair on her private area and went up to her mom and asked, "Mom, I have hair on my privates, what is it?"

"Oh honey, that's your monkey," the mom says.

So little Sally runs up to her big sister and says, "My monkey has hair on it!" So the sister replies with a laugh, "You think that's cool? My monkey is already eating bananas!"

I told kids to make a family tree. God, I love working at the orphanages.