No matter how kind you are, German children are kinder.
What's the difference between a bus full of children and a fish?
The fish can swim.
Me: Are you an orphan?
Boy: Yeah, what gave me away?
Me: ....ur parents.
Why did little Billy drop his ice cream cone?
Because he got hit by a bus.
I saw a sign that said “Watch for children” and I thought, “That sounds like a fair trade.”
An orphan walks into a supermarket, gets lost and calls for his mum, then remembers.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a shopping bag?
One's made of plastic and is dangerous for children to play with, the other one carries your shopping.
What are the similarities between an orphan and a newborn plant?
Both their parents were separated.
What do you call a Catholic priest who molests children?
A Catholic priest.
What do you call a happy child swinging with her friends at recess?
Not Sally.
Which sex position produces the ugliest children?
Go ask your mother.
Pedophiles are fucking immature assholes.
What's the difference between orphans and apples?
Apples get picked.
Why do orphans rob banks?
Because they wanna feel wanted.
Today, my mom gave me a lecture on how to stay safe during school shootings. When my brother walked past, my mom asked me a question: "What do you think of going through kids' heads during a school shooting?" That's when my brother came back downstairs and said to me and my mom, "Bullets." We don't talk about this anymore.
What do you call a boomerang that does not come back?
An orphan's parents.
I told kids to make a family tree. God, I love working at the orphanages.
I got an orphan an iPhone 6. I told him to press the home button. He has been doing it all day.
What do blind kids and orphans have in common?
Neither can see their parents.
Me: I asked an orphan where his parents were. I also said that I promised to take him to them.
Orphan: They're dead.
Me: A promise made is a promise kept.
