Child jokes
If you hit a child, that's child abuse.
If you hit a family member, that's abuse.
If you kill either, it's murder for some reason.
If it's a whole family, it's genocide for another reason.
So, an orphan walked into a store. He gets lost and the store clerk asked, "Do you need help finding your parent?" and the orphan ran out crying.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan? The apple always gets picked.
And Mary said God had given her a child, so Joseph went and joined Fathers For Justice.
Congratulations! 10 years+ record of hide and seek with your parents, and they're still hiding!
They hide so well, they probably forgot about you. Mwah. <3
How many babies does it take to cover a brick wall?
Depends on how hard you throw it. 😆😂😁
Why can orphans get away with being bad at school? Because when the teacher says, "I want to have a parent/teacher conference," they just go about their day.
Two priests walk into a store, and cops come up to them and say they’re looking for a child molester, and the priests both say, "I’ll do it!"
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan? Apples get picked. Orphans don't.
Two priests are driving down a road when they are pulled over by the cops.
The cop shines a light in their faces and signals to the driver to roll down his window.
"We're searching for two child molesters," he says.
The driver leans over to the other priest, and they whisper between themselves.
Finally, he turns back to the policeman. "Ok. We'll do it."
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
How hard can you throw them!
Why can't orphans play baseball? They can't find home.
What is an orphan's least favorite TV show?
Family Feud.
FICTIONAL BOOKS / AUTHORS
Outdoor Entertaining by Patty O.
Over the Mountaintop by Hugo First.
Plumbing for Idiots by Duane Pipes.
Music Theory by Amanda Lynn Player.
Meterology 101 By Wendy Reign and Sonny Daze.
Oh God By Dixie Rect.
Please Don't Stop By Craven Moorehead.
Life And Times Of A Porn Star By Dixie Normous.
Right Stuff By Dang Lin-Wang.
How To Take Care of Your Cat By Connie Lingus.
Right Way 2 Orgasm By Buster Cherry.
The Unwanted Child By Brooke N Rubbers.
What do you call headphones that walk out on their children? Deadbeats.
Why did the orphan become a criminal? It wants to be wanted.
What do you call a kid in a wheelchair?
TIMMAHHHH!
Are you a white van? Because I would love to put children in you.
What do boobs and toys have in common?
They were both originally made for kids, but daddies end up playing with them.
What if Game of Thrones and Harry Potter antagonism had a child?
Coldemort!