Child jokes
Why does an orphan play mum and dad?
'Cause they need self-love.
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
They can’t find home.
Children who are unvaccinated are less likely to have autism. You know why?
-You have to be alive to have autism.
Why can't orphans play video games?
Because they can't access the home screen.
What do you call a kid in a wheelchair?
TIMMAHHHH!
Mom: Do I look fat in my dress?
Child: Nah... you look fat in every dress!
Why can't orphans play baseball?
'Cause they can't find home.
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because they can’t find home.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends how hard you throw them.
My dog stepped on a bee, My child spilt my tea, I drank my hot tea, I broke my bloody knee, Now I'm lying in agony, And I'm devastated with no glee.
(Again, credits to my really funny friend)
What does a mother fear most?
Hearing "YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER!" for 5 different men.
What's the difference between oxygen and children? I don't have oxygen in my basement.
I gave an orphan an iPhone XR because it does not have a home button.
What song did Michael Jackson come up with after his first sleepover with the kid?
"Just Beat It."
There are 206 bones in the human body.
207 when I'm at a nursery.
Why do the orphans love going to the bakery down the street so much? Because their cookies are homemade.
An orphan goes up to someone. The guy says, "Where are your parents?"
The orphan says, "Why do you think I'm wearing ripped pyjamas?"
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because they can’t run home.
What might an aborted child want for Christmas?
..... a home that isn't a bin.
Wife: "Did you notice that the child is actually not yours?"
Husband: "I've been suspecting this for a long time. Finally you admit it."
Wife: "What are you talking about? I asked you to pick up our child from the kindergarten. But the child you picked up is not ours!"