Child jokes
Why do pedophiles go to a nursery?
Early access.
One day, I was sitting on my couch watching YouTube when I heard a knock on the door. I opened the door, and to my surprise, it was my dad. I haven't seen him in 16 years, so I let him in. I noticed he had a gallon of milk in his hand, and he went to the kitchen and put the milk in the fridge.
Then he walked towards me and said, "Oh no! I forgot the cereal!" Then he walked out the door and drove away. I never saw him again.
If you’re forced to have it as a child, you won’t like it as an adult.
I guess Hitler was forced to have vegetables when he was younger.
A miscarriage always brings the child out in me.
A teacher in Scunthorpe asks a class what their favorite football team is, saying, "Raise your hand if it is Scunthorpe." Every student but one raised their hand. The teacher asks, "Why don't you support Scunthorpe?" The child answers, "My parents support Grimsby, and so do I." The teacher comes back with, "Why are you copying your parents? What if your mum was a prostitute and your dad a druggie?" The child answers, "Then I'd support Scunthorpe like you dirty bastards!"
I only kidnapped orphans because they have no parents to report them missing.
How do you name an Asian child?
Ring the doorbell.
Why are orphanages like dogs?
Because they get adopted.
What did the orphan get for Christmas?
Lego figures from his friend, but they ran away too.
9 out of 10 doctors recommend for children to drink water instead of soda. That 1 doctor lives in Flint, Michigan.
What do you call a white girl that can run faster than her brothers?
The redneck virgin.
In life, it’s either yeet or get beat, and I clearly failed yeeting as a child, as my dad beat me.
A boy with Down Syndrome was talking with his mom.
“Mom, why did God make me like this?” he said.
“It’s because God made you special,” she said.
“Just kidding, I was only talking about your needs.”
What do pedophiles call children in wheelchairs?
"Meals on Wheels."
What's the difference between apples and orphans? The apples get picked, XD!
What does a pedophile and a light switch have in common?
They both get turned on by children.
Last night, I burned an orphanage. There was one survivor who said I would regret it. I said, "What are you gonna do? Tell your parents?"
How do you make an adopted kid bleed? ... Tell him to clap until his parents come back.
A man sees a small boy begging for money. He walks up to him and asks him if he is an orphan.
The boy asks, "What gave me away?"
The man responds, "Your parents."
Sonic says: "If you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?"