Child jokes
I have a brother and he told me this quote, "No wonder they had a second child, they messed up on the first one." He’s the second child... I’m the first...
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
How hard can you throw them!
My boss had the heart of a child.
In a jar. On his desk.
Sometimes I have this incredible urge to grab a child from school and yell, "I'm you from the future!"
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because they don’t have a home base.
Did you know cannibals ate KFC?
Kentucky Fried Children.
I went to an orphanage and had a yo mama smack down. That's it.
What does a pregnant teen and an aborted child have in common?
They both say, “My mom's gonna kill me!”
Baby 🍼
Child: Goodnight Mommy. Goodnight Daddy. Goodnight Grandma. Goodbye Grandpa!
Dad: Wait, why are you saying that?
Child: I just felt like it.
The next day, the Grandpa is dead.
Dad: That's just a VERY scary coincidence.
Child: Goodnight Mommy. Goodnight Daddy. Goodbye Grandma.
Dad: Wait, why are you saying that?
Child: I just felt like it.
The next day, the Grandma is dead.
Dad: That's just a VERY scary coincidence.
Child: Goodnight Mommy, Goodbye Daddy!
Dad: Oh no. If I survive until tomorrow, everything will be okay!
Survives until tomorrow.
Dad: Whew! That was nice! *Goes to house*
Mom: Honey! I was so worried about you! The mailman just dropped dead on our porch!
(If you don't get it, the mailman is the biological father)
What’s yellow and can’t swim?
A bus full of children.
What do you call a happy child swinging with her friends at recess?
Not Sally.
How to tell your kid he's adopted:
Son, I'm a virgin.
The orphanage said I couldn't go home.
Your dad is gone.
What time do babies get dirty?
Playtime.
What do you call an orphan?
A bootysnagger45.
Why is Helen Keller's child blind too? She always fed it with a fork!
What's yellow and can't swim?
A school bus full of disabled children.
I know a little girl who once had an accident. When I asked her what her favorite song was, she responded with "🎶Head, shoulders, wheels, and frame! Wheels and frame!🎶"
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They can't find home.