Child jokes
A woman walks onto the bus with her child. The driver says, "That's the ugliest child I have ever seen!" The woman sits down and tells her neighbor. The neighbor replies, "Go say something back. Here, I'll hold your monkey for you!"
If you ever get mad, just hit an orphan.
What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
How many dead children does it take to change the light in a basement?
More than ten, apparently.
What's big and yellow and can't swim? A bus filled with children.
I have a brother and he told me this quote, "No wonder they had a second child, they messed up on the first one." He’s the second child... I’m the first...
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
How hard can you throw them!
My boss had the heart of a child.
In a jar. On his desk.
Sometimes I have this incredible urge to grab a child from school and yell, "I'm you from the future!"
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because they don’t have a home base.
Did you know cannibals ate KFC?
Kentucky Fried Children.
I went to an orphanage and had a yo mama smack down. That's it.
What does a pregnant teen and an aborted child have in common?
They both say, “My mom's gonna kill me!”
Baby 🍼
Child: Goodnight Mommy. Goodnight Daddy. Goodnight Grandma. Goodbye Grandpa!
Dad: Wait, why are you saying that?
Child: I just felt like it.
The next day, the Grandpa is dead.
Dad: That's just a VERY scary coincidence.
Child: Goodnight Mommy. Goodnight Daddy. Goodbye Grandma.
Dad: Wait, why are you saying that?
Child: I just felt like it.
The next day, the Grandma is dead.
Dad: That's just a VERY scary coincidence.
Child: Goodnight Mommy, Goodbye Daddy!
Dad: Oh no. If I survive until tomorrow, everything will be okay!
Survives until tomorrow.
Dad: Whew! That was nice! *Goes to house*
Mom: Honey! I was so worried about you! The mailman just dropped dead on our porch!
(If you don't get it, the mailman is the biological father)
What’s yellow and can’t swim?
A bus full of children.
What do you call a happy child swinging with her friends at recess?
Not Sally.
How to tell your kid he's adopted:
Son, I'm a virgin.
The orphanage said I couldn't go home.
Your dad is gone.
What time do babies get dirty?
Playtime.
What do you call an orphan?
A bootysnagger45.