Child jokes
So, a kid walks in the house and says, "Mommy, Mommy, I found daddy!" And the mother says, "Stop digging around in the garden, and let your father rest in peace."
Why do orphans always get picked on?
They can't run and tell their parents.
Why do orphans never play baseball?
'Cause they can never get a home run.
What's yellow and can't swim?
A bus full of children.
Why are orphans bad at baseball?
Because they don’t know what a home is.
The good thing about dead baby jokes is that they never get old.
What did the kid with no arms get for Christmas?
A pair of gloves!
Nah, I’m not that mean, he’s still trying to open his presents.
How do you tell a child they have cancer?
With a smile on your face.
Q: A mom had 5 children: January, February, March, April. What is the name of the fifth child?
A: What.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall red? Depends, how hard can you throw them?
Why did the family move away?
Because they lost their son.
A boy with Down Syndrome was talking with his mom.
“Mom, why did God make me like this?” he said.
“It’s because God made you special,” she said.
“Just kidding, I was only talking about your needs.”
What’s the difference between a baby and a refrigerator?
The refrigerator doesn’t squeal when I put my meat in it.
A young boy is in a tepee with his father, just after his sister's naming ceremony. Curious to how it works, he asks his dad, "Father, why is my sister's name Tulip?"
His father responds, "That is her name because a tulip was the first thing she saw when she first opened her eyes."
The boy was still puzzled. "What about big brother Sparrow?"
"His name is Sparrow because a sparrow landed on him when he first began walking."
The boy finally asked how he was named. "Well, we decided to name you the same way as your sister."
The boy nods with understanding, "Thank you, father."
"No problem, Two-Dogs-Fucking."
What's the difference between putting a baby and a pizza in an oven?
The pizza doesn't scream in the oven.
In life, it’s either yeet or get beat, and I clearly failed yeeting as a child, as my dad beat me.
So an orphan was crying in a corner in the dark. Then a man came over and asked, "Why are you crying?"
Then said, "Do you want me to get your parents?"
My child is ungrateful. I got him a bike for Christmas and he didn't say thank you. No, he said, "Dad, I don't have any legs!"
I like my cigars like I like my women:
Seven years old coming from Cuba in a burlap sack.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
It depends on how hard you throw them.