Child Jokes

Child: Goodnight Mommy. Goodnight Daddy. Goodnight Grandma. Goodbye Grandpa!

Dad: Wait, why are you saying that?

Child: I just felt like it.

The next day, the Grandpa is dead.

Dad: That's just a VERY scary coincidence.

Child: Goodnight Mommy. Goodnight Daddy. Goodbye Grandma.

Dad: Wait, why are you saying that?

Child: I just felt like it.

The next day, the Grandma is dead.

Dad: That's just a VERY scary coincidence.

Child: Goodnight Mommy, Goodbye Daddy!

Dad: Oh no. If I survive until tomorrow, everything will be okay!

Survives until tomorrow.

Dad: Whew! That was nice! *Goes to house*

Mom: Honey! I was so worried about you! The mailman just dropped dead on our porch!

(If you don't get it, the mailman is the biological father)

What’s yellow and can’t swim?

A bus full of children.

What do you call a happy child swinging with her friends at recess?

Not Sally.

How to tell your kid he's adopted:

Son, I'm a virgin.

The orphanage said I couldn't go home.

Your dad is gone.

What time do babies get dirty?

Playtime.

What do u call a orphan a bootysnagger45

Why is Helen Keller's child blind too? She always fed it with a fork!

What's yellow and can't swim?

A school bus full of disabled children.

I know a little girl who once had an accident. When I asked her what her favorite song was, she responded with "🎶Head, shoulders, wheels, and frame! Wheels and frame!🎶"

Why can't orphans play baseball?

They can't find home.

A man is sitting on a bench at a playground where children are playing. A man named Chris comes up and asks, “Which one is yours?” The man said, “I don’t know, I’m still deciding.”

Why did the orphan cross the ride?

I forgot.

Hi, welcome to Dave's Orphanage. You make them, we take them. How may I help you?

What's the difference between a Doberman Pinscher and a Social Worker?

Eventually, you can get a baby back from a Doberman Pinscher.

Why can’t orphanage kids play baseball?

Cause they don’t know where home is.

What's the difference between a bus full of children and a fish?

The fish can swim.

What do you do when you see a sad orphan?

Nothing, let them wait for their parents.

When your wife gets pregnant and you don't want a kid, just come on down to Momma Mia's Pizzeria and abortion clinic!

"Mommy, mommy, where's my school dress... ewww!"

"Shut up and leave the bedroom."