Celebrity Jokes

What’s Whitney Houston’s favorite type of coordination? HAAAAND EEEEEEEEEYYYYEEE!

What’s better than Ted Danson? Ted singing and Danson!

What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two!

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!

What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeño business!

What does a baby computer call his father? Data!

What do you call a bear without any teeth? A gummy bear!

Why did the golfer change his pants? Because he got a hole in one!

Does anyone need an ark? I Noah guy!

How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.

I bought a ceiling fan the other day. Complete waste of money. He just stands there applauding and saying “Ooh, I love how smooth it is.”

What’s Michael Jackson’s favorite movie?

Black and white.

When you throw paper at a hill, you can say, "Hey, look, it is like Kobe's helicopter!"

On the 12th day of Christmas Peo Pessi gave to me:

12 tap ins

11 pointless dribbles

10 fixed league titles

9 missed penalties

8-2

6 dives

500 million robbed from Barca

4 UCL semi losses

3 times he blamed Higuain

2 retirements

And a transfer to a farmers league.

Yo mama is so stupid, she thinks Bear Grylls is a restaurant.

Michael doesn’t fart. Jackson does.

If one of ya'll could find my weave, that'd be great!

*Coughs roughly* Oh my God, it hurts so much. I can't see. It burns! Help!!! Help!!! Help!!! Help!!! *Weakly*

Why don’t Chinese kids get to celebrate Christmas?

'Cause they're the ones making the toys.

What is Johnny Depp's new legal name?

Johnny in debt.

I don't blame Amber Heard for wanting Elon Musk, especially if Johnny Depp is hairy and smells like a port-o-potty full of cigarettes and gunsmoke.

Why is Donald Trump under so much stress?

Because he signed up to be on an album where somebody says "no love for the rich" on it.

What do Nelson Mandela and Paul Walker have in common?

They both died at 95.

The egg that beat Kylie Jenner.

Logan Paul.

We’ve got to celebrate our differences! 👻🤝🐵🤝🍚🤝🌮🤝💣🤝🏳️‍🌈🤝🍔🤝🥖🤝🍕

He sings, he dances, be he also HE HE.

What does Michael Jackson and an Xbox have in common?

Kids turn them on.

It was an important knockout game for Al Nassr. I came to Riyad to see my idol Cristiano Ronaldo play. It was my dream for a long time. I took a cab to the stadium, but the driver dropped me off at a haunted house instead.

As soon as I entered the house, I saw a ghost, but the very next moment I realized it's my idolo Ronaldo. Thank you Ronaldo for meeting me!

On a bus, a priest sat next to a drunk who was struggling to read a newspaper.

Suddenly, with a slurred voice, the drunk asked the priest:

"Do you know what arthritis is?"

The parish priest soon thought of taking the opportunity to lecture the drunk and replied:

"It's a disease caused by sinful and unruly life: excess, consumption of alcohol, drugs, marijuana, crack, and certainly lost women, prostitutes, promiscuity, sex, binges, and other things I dare not say."

The drunk widened his eyes, shut up, and continued reading the newspaper.

A little later the priest, thinking that he had been too hard on the drunk, tried to soften:

"How long have you had arthritis?"

"I don't have arthritis! It says here in the paper that the Pope has it."