Celebrity jokes

What do Nelson Mandela and Paul Walker have in common?

They both died at 95.

What if Stephen Hawking was the real Slim Shady, but couldn't stand up?

He sings, he dances, be he also HE HE.

I was watching a documentary about how storks carry babies from their previous life to the next.

In his old life, Michael Jackson must’ve been a teddy bear. The storks let him play with kids for a change.

I would rather be drugged and robbed by Cardi B than listen to her f***ing music.

*Coughs roughly* Oh my God, it hurts so much. I can't see. It burns! Help!!! Help!!! Help!!! Help!!! *Weakly*

What does Michael Jackson and an Xbox have in common?

Kids turn them on.

The Rock, more like the Rockpot! 😂😂😂😂😂

Amanda Bynes is a lush blond who has quickly become a blond lush.

Why can’t orphans celebrate Christmas?

Because they have no family.

Your mum is so fat Les Dawson would agree with me that when she passes her handbag from hand to hand, she throws it.

What did they do with his body when he died?

They made him into Lego so kids can play with him for once.

I can't imagine him moaning with the kids, "Hi, uh, ya daddy, uh HEE!"

Why is Michael Jackson on the naughty list this year?

Because he sexually kids 😂

What's the difference Michael Jackson and a play station have in common...

They're both plastic and kids turn them on.

So I added Paul Walker on Xbox the other day, and it’s annoying cause all he does is sit on the dashboard.

People say that they miss xxxtentacion, like the bullet didn’t.

Why did George Clooney like egg jokes?

Because he had good taste.

The teacher asked a young boy in primary school, "Can you tell me the alphabet?"

To which the boy replies, "No."

The teacher then sets his homework to learn the alphabet.

At home, the boy goes up to his mum, who is on the phone, and asks, "Can you tell me the alphabet?"

"Shut up," she replied.

The boy goes to his dad, who just won the footie match, and asks, "Can you teach me the alphabet?"

But the dad is too busy celebrating and shouting, "Hell yeah! Hell yeah! Yeaaahh!"

The boy goes to his big brother and asks him to teach him the alphabet.

But his brother is singing, "I'm Michael Jackson, I'm Michael Jackson!"

The boy goes to his sister and asks her for the alphabet.

But his sister is singing, "In my big red car, in my big red car!"

The next day the teacher asks him the alphabet.

The boy replies, "Shut up."

"Alright, I'm sending you to the principal's office right now."

The boy replies, "Hell yeah! Hell yeah! Yeaaahh!"

In the office, the principal says, "Who do you think you are?"

The boy replies, "I'm Michael Jackson, I'm Michael Jackson!"

The principal now says, "How do you think you'll get away with this?"

The boy then replies, "In my big red car, in my big red car!"

Random person: Imma smack you so hard your skin pigment changes!

Me: Who the hell do you think you are? Michael Jackson’s dad?