Celebrity jokes
What did John Cena say to Ray Charles?
Hey, man.
What's Michael Jackson got in common with Santa?
They both empty their sacks around children.
Who's white and has a big penis? Michael Jackson.
Have you heard anything about this Chuck Norris guy? Yeh, me neither.
I would rather be drugged and robbed by Cardi B than listen to her f***ing music.
Dwayne the Cock Johnson is the man
I was watching a documentary about how storks carry babies from their previous life to the next.
In his old life, Michael Jackson must’ve been a teddy bear. The storks let him play with kids for a change.
*Coughs roughly* Oh my God, it hurts so much. I can't see. It burns! Help!!! Help!!! Help!!! Help!!! *Weakly*
What does Michael Jackson and an Xbox have in common?
Kids turn them on.
Why can’t orphans celebrate Christmas?
Because they have no family.
What if Stephen Hawking was the real Slim Shady, but couldn't stand up?
He sings, he dances, be he also HE HE.
What do Nelson Mandela and Paul Walker have in common?
They both died at 95.
The Rock, more like the Rockpot! 😂😂😂😂😂
Amanda Bynes is a lush blond who has quickly become a blond lush.
Your mum is so fat Les Dawson would agree with me that when she passes her handbag from hand to hand, she throws it.
Donald Trump travels back in time to talk to his 10-year-old self.
When he sees himself, he says, "Do you see me? I am you, but almost 70 years older."
His 10-year-old self asks him, "Am I going to be famous?"
Trump replies, "Oh yeah, I became president of the United States. Not once. Twice!"
10-year-old Donald was shocked. But he became even more shocked when he heard the next sentence from his current self: "And now take off your pants!"
I can't imagine him moaning with the kids, "Hi, uh, ya daddy, uh HEE!"
What did they do with his body when he died?
They made him into Lego so kids can play with him for once.
Why is Michael Jackson on the naughty list this year?
Because he sexually kids 😂
What's the difference Michael Jackson and a play station have in common...
They're both plastic and kids turn them on.