Celebrity jokes
What’s the difference between me and Chester Bennington?
I know how to use an exercise band.
Why is the sun famous? Because it’s a shining star.
Sorry for posting this!
Mia: I'm pregnant again, Paul. I can't wait for you to come home.
Paul: I got a tree to hit on the way.
What's worse than funny condom fails?
Jake Paul.
Chuck Norris once did a roundhouse kick... and successfully completed the bottle cap challenge.
Memes
Dwayne the Cock Johnson is the man
What's the difference between MJ and myself?
Nothing at all.
What do Michael Jackson and an Xbox have in common?
They both get turned on by kids.
What’s Whitney Houston’s favorite type of coordination? HAAAAND EEEEEEEEEYYYYEEE!
What’s better than Ted Danson? Ted singing and Danson!
What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two!
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!
What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeño business!
What does a baby computer call his father? Data!
What do you call a bear without any teeth? A gummy bear!
Why did the golfer change his pants? Because he got a hole in one!
Does anyone need an ark? I Noah guy!
How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
I bought a ceiling fan the other day. Complete waste of money. He just stands there applauding and saying “Ooh, I love how smooth it is.”
When you throw paper at a hill, you can say, "Hey, look, it is like Kobe's helicopter!"
On the 12th day of Christmas Peo Pessi gave to me:
12 tap ins
11 pointless dribbles
10 fixed league titles
9 missed penalties
8-2
6 dives
500 million robbed from Barca
4 UCL semi losses
3 times he blamed Higuain
2 retirements
And a transfer to a farmers league.
Yo mama is so stupid, she thinks Bear Grylls is a restaurant.
Why did Michael Jackson run?
Because he lost his glove.
Michael doesn’t fart. Jackson does.
If one of ya'll could find my weave, that'd be great!
Why don’t Chinese kids get to celebrate Christmas?
'Cause they're the ones making the toys.
What is Johnny Depp's new legal name?
Johnny in debt.
I don't blame Amber Heard for wanting Elon Musk, especially if Johnny Depp is hairy and smells like a port-o-potty full of cigarettes and gunsmoke.
Why is Donald Trump under so much stress?
Because he signed up to be on an album where somebody says "no love for the rich" on it.
The egg that beat Kylie Jenner.
Logan Paul.