Me: Now I know why Michael Jackson turned white.
The police: You finally figured it out.
Why didn’t the orphan celebrate their birthday?
Because they didn’t have a mom to birth them.
What’s loud, red and goes at 200mph?
Paul Walker’s Porsche.
Me: Hey, Mom? Why do we celebrate birthdays?
Mom: Because that's the day a new life was born, and people are born every day so every day is a special day.
My thoughts: And my friend wonders why I have depression...
How did they figure out what kind of shampoo Paul Walker used? They found his “head and shoulders” in the dash.
Where did Michael Jackson go to college?
Bring 'em young.
What do you call two Michael J. Fox's standing next to each other?
Parallel Parkinson's.
Why did you always see Michael Jackson wearing two white gloves?
Because masturbation is against Michael Jackson's religious beliefs.
This comment section is so dark, it could be Lil Huddy.
Cameron Boyce
Stephen Hawking walked in a bar...
Just kidding.
Did you know that the Royal family like carnivals?
Princess Diana was really fond of bumper cars.
Girl playing outside: "Step on a line and you break your mommy's spine." She then steps on a line and her mother keels over screaming.
Girl playing outside: "Step on a crack and you break daddy's back." She steps on a crack the mailman next door then keels over screaming.
The husband starts celebrating, gets in the car, and starts to drive away.
The son comes outside and steps on a crack.
The dad then dies in a car crash.
Why is the sun famous? Because it’s a shining star.
Sorry for posting this!
What’s black and sits on top of the stairs?
Christopher Reeves in a house fire.
What’s the difference between me and Chester Bennington?
I know how to use an exercise band.
What did John Cena say to Ray Charles?
Hey, man.
When you throw paper at a hill, you can say, "Hey, look, it is like Kobe's helicopter!"
Why can’t an orphan celebrate Father’s Day and Mother’s Day? Because they have no parents.
Why did Stephen Hawking go on to Britain's Got Talent?
To sing.
