Cause jokes

Why can't homeless people buy a house?

'Cause they live on the streets.

Hey, how is everyone today? Cause I am feeling great!

Are you a parking ticket? 'Cause you've got "fine" written all over you.

Friend (Evan): Did you do some dumb shit?

Me: Hell yeah.

Friend (Evan): Did you get us both in trouble?

Me: Hell yeah.

Friend (Evan): Will I still help you because you are my best friend?

Both: FUCK YEAH!

Why do kids like bananas?

'Cause they like doing the nana.

Why did Stephen Hawking die?

Cause he would never look both ways.

Your forehead is so big you have to wear a hoodie for the Rock to see your ego because your forehead is so big.

Charlen's hairline is sooooo fat because it was never brushed.

How much does a chimney cost?

It's free cause it's on the house.

My friend: Hey, why are you always smiling?

Me: 'Cause life is a joke and we’re all slacking it off.

I'm never going bungee jumping because a cord bridged me into the world. It's not taking me out.

Hey, my man, why you got them damn old, stanky-looking Whoopi Goldberg cornrows on you head? Are y'all twins, or boyfriend and girlfriend, 'cause if y'all are, go get married in Color Purple land.

The lasagna I just cooked is for me, my friends, and family. You don't get none because your name is not on the list. You wanna know why? 'Cause you got the whole place smelling like catdog and ass.

Why did the robot eat a lightbulb?

'Cause he was in need of a light snack!

Why do orphans come to me?

'Cause they have someone to call "father."

My name is Devonair.

When I get a haircut, it's always bald.

Kids make fun of me, they call me "dang-near bald head."

My name is Devonair *dev-on-near*

I always thought they were making fun of me because of my name pronounced near.

Why was the orphan kid bad at school? Because he wanted a phone call home.

There were two snakes slithering along when one snake said to the other snake, "Are we poisonous?" "Idk why?" The other snake responded, "'Cause I just bit my tongue!"

Grandma: "Y’know, I used to be in this wheelchair cause of back pain. But ever since I met Spence, the pain went to my legs. At least my back is fixed!"

Answering a knock at my door, I see a vacuum cleaner salesman who proceeds to tip a huge bucket of shit all over my carpet, before proclaiming any trace this hoover doesn't remove I will personally eat myself.

"Well, I hope you're hungry," I replied, "'cause they cut off my electric this morning!"