Cause jokes

How much does a chimney cost?

It's free cause it's on the house.

Are you a parking ticket? 'Cause you've got "fine" written all over you.

Why can't homeless people buy a house?

'Cause they live on the streets.

Why did the robot eat a lightbulb?

'Cause he was in need of a light snack!

Why do orphans come to me?

'Cause they have someone to call "father."

Hey, how is everyone today? Cause I am feeling great!

I'm never going bungee jumping because a cord bridged me into the world. It's not taking me out.

Cause I am Batman!

My name is Devonair.

When I get a haircut, it's always bald.

Kids make fun of me, they call me "dang-near bald head."

My name is Devonair *dev-on-near*

I always thought they were making fun of me because of my name pronounced near.

Hey, my man, why you got them damn old, stanky-looking Whoopi Goldberg cornrows on you head? Are y'all twins, or boyfriend and girlfriend, 'cause if y'all are, go get married in Color Purple land.

The lasagna I just cooked is for me, my friends, and family. You don't get none because your name is not on the list. You wanna know why? 'Cause you got the whole place smelling like catdog and ass.

Bessie Coleman - I don't want to be a flier cause I am African American.

Is your middle name Fancy Feast?

'Cause your face looks like a can of dog food.

There were two snakes slithering along when one snake said to the other snake, "Are we poisonous?" "Idk why?" The other snake responded, "'Cause I just bit my tongue!"

Why was the orphan kid bad at school? Because he wanted a phone call home.

When you're mad, you might as well just punch an orphan because what can they do, tell their parents?

Why did the boy not cross the road?

Because he was on thin ice.

Grandma: "Y’know, I used to be in this wheelchair cause of back pain. But ever since I met Spence, the pain went to my legs. At least my back is fixed!"

Answering a knock at my door, I see a vacuum cleaner salesman who proceeds to tip a huge bucket of shit all over my carpet, before proclaiming any trace this hoover doesn't remove I will personally eat myself.

"Well, I hope you're hungry," I replied, "'cause they cut off my electric this morning!"

Once I went to a museum and overheard someone speaking to an employee for information.

"These are lying clocks, they tell how many lies a person tells."

"Oh, cool."

"This is Mother Teresa’s clock; the clock hasn’t moved because she never lied."

"Makes sense."

"This is Abraham Lincoln’s clock. The hands only moved twice, indicating he only lied twice."

"Where’s Trump’s clock?"

"Oh, we’re using it as a ceiling fan."

And then I burst out laughing 'cause it’s so true.