Cause jokes

Is your middle name Fancy Feast?

'Cause your face looks like a can of dog food.

Why did the boy not cross the road?

Because he was on thin ice.

When you're mad, you might as well just punch an orphan because what can they do, tell their parents?

Why did the crows form a charity?

Because it's all for good caws!

Why was your mom so into me?

'Cause she was the man.

What's the difference between me calling my girlfriend a pedophile and her calling me one?

Oh wait, I am because she's 10.

I say we shouldn’t do any jokes about dogs cause dogs are the best, but cats suck.

Did anyone around here lose a roll of twenty-dollar bills wrapped with a rubber band? Because we found the rubber band.

Why are English people bad at chess? 'Cause they lost their Queen.

Why can't the US play chess? 'Cause they lost their towers.

I knew you played football because your hairline is receding.

Caution: Looking at your hairline can cause you to be delirious and have hallucinations.

I thought you played football 'cause you're hairline is receiving.

Why do men get great ideas in bed?

'Cause they are plugged into a genius!

September 11th is the superior birthday because no one forgets it. #flexingonyoubitches ;)

Why is Jonnyy baiiiiii sad? Because he no shower pero.

Why couldn't people have their phone on airplane mode during 9/11?

Because their phone exploded the towers.

The adoption center threw a party. Why? 'Cause the parents weren't home.

Beauty is blind? Ya damn right, 'cause that's what happened when she saw your ass.

Grandma: "Y’know, I used to be in this wheelchair cause of back pain. But ever since I met Spence, the pain went to my legs. At least my back is fixed!"

Answering a knock at my door, I see a vacuum cleaner salesman who proceeds to tip a huge bucket of shit all over my carpet, before proclaiming any trace this hoover doesn't remove I will personally eat myself.

"Well, I hope you're hungry," I replied, "'cause they cut off my electric this morning!"