Cause jokes

Why do kids like bananas?

'Cause they like doing the nana.

I'm never going bungee jumping because a cord bridged me into the world. It's not taking me out.

Why do orphans come to me?

'Cause they have someone to call "father."

Hey, how is everyone today? Cause I am feeling great!

Hey, my man, why you got them damn old, stanky-looking Whoopi Goldberg cornrows on you head? Are y'all twins, or boyfriend and girlfriend, 'cause if y'all are, go get married in Color Purple land.

The lasagna I just cooked is for me, my friends, and family. You don't get none because your name is not on the list. You wanna know why? 'Cause you got the whole place smelling like catdog and ass.

Why was the orphan kid bad at school? Because he wanted a phone call home.

Bessie Coleman - I don't want to be a flier cause I am African American.

There were two snakes slithering along when one snake said to the other snake, "Are we poisonous?" "Idk why?" The other snake responded, "'Cause I just bit my tongue!"

Is your middle name Fancy Feast?

'Cause your face looks like a can of dog food.

When you're mad, you might as well just punch an orphan because what can they do, tell their parents?

Why did the boy not cross the road?

Because he was on thin ice.

Why did the crows form a charity?

Because it's all for good caws!

What's the difference between me calling my girlfriend a pedophile and her calling me one?

Oh wait, I am because she's 10.

The adoption center threw a party. Why? 'Cause the parents weren't home.

Why are English people bad at chess? 'Cause they lost their Queen.

Why can't the US play chess? 'Cause they lost their towers.

Answering a knock at my door, I see a vacuum cleaner salesman who proceeds to tip a huge bucket of shit all over my carpet, before proclaiming any trace this hoover doesn't remove I will personally eat myself.

"Well, I hope you're hungry," I replied, "'cause they cut off my electric this morning!"

Once I went to a museum and overheard someone speaking to an employee for information.

"These are lying clocks, they tell how many lies a person tells."

"Oh, cool."

"This is Mother Teresa’s clock; the clock hasn’t moved because she never lied."

"Makes sense."

"This is Abraham Lincoln’s clock. The hands only moved twice, indicating he only lied twice."

"Where’s Trump’s clock?"

"Oh, we’re using it as a ceiling fan."

And then I burst out laughing 'cause it’s so true.

Why did the cow smell?

'Cause the horse gave it a pat on the back.

What’s another name for a cow?

You... cause you're fat.