Cause jokes
When you're mad, you might as well just punch an orphan because what can they do, tell their parents?
Is your middle name Fancy Feast?
'Cause your face looks like a can of dog food.
Grandma: "Y’know, I used to be in this wheelchair cause of back pain. But ever since I met Spence, the pain went to my legs. At least my back is fixed!"
Answering a knock at my door, I see a vacuum cleaner salesman who proceeds to tip a huge bucket of shit all over my carpet, before proclaiming any trace this hoover doesn't remove I will personally eat myself.
"Well, I hope you're hungry," I replied, "'cause they cut off my electric this morning!"
Once I went to a museum and overheard someone speaking to an employee for information.
"These are lying clocks, they tell how many lies a person tells."
"Oh, cool."
"This is Mother Teresa’s clock; the clock hasn’t moved because she never lied."
"Makes sense."
"This is Abraham Lincoln’s clock. The hands only moved twice, indicating he only lied twice."
"Where’s Trump’s clock?"
"Oh, we’re using it as a ceiling fan."
And then I burst out laughing 'cause it’s so true.
care to explain bitch? it seems thats what youre good at
What’s another name for a cow?
You... cause you're fat.
Why did the cow smell?
'Cause the horse gave it a pat on the back.
Health commercials be like:
Serious side effects can cause:
Nausea, diarrhea, vomiting, chills, fever, cancer, diabetes, AIDS, chlamydia, lupus, Ebola, polio, leprosy, pulmonary edema, heart attack, heart failure, yellow fever, but worst of all, DEATH!
Why couldn't the toilet paper cross the road? Cause it got stuck in the crack.
*If you don't get it, it got stuck in the butt crack.*
Did you know there was food on the plane that caused 9/11?
It was the bomb.
Roses are red, violets are blue, You'll suck my dick 'cause I'm stronger than you.
Do orphans love doing crime?
'Cause they want to be wanted.
Why can't an orphan play kickball?
Because they can't hit home.
Why can't orphans go to Family Dollar?
'Cause they don't have a family.
Why does this stingray's wife can't stop babbling?
'Cause she can't watch her mouth.
Why can’t an orphan go on a field trip?
'Cause they need a parent's signature.
My Friend: Why does Santa look like that?
My 15 Year Old Friend: He has secateurs cancer...
Me: I heard it's because he comes once a year.
*Everyone Looks at me*
It's this girl named Deaf, what a weird name, but I know that 'cause I was ear hustling.
But anyway, everytime I call her, she doesn't answer. I wanna clap some cheeks tonight, how could she hate me when she don't know me?
Why is it wrong to put a beef or turkey patty in a burger?
'Cause it's a ham-burger, isn't it?
Why couldn't the chicken cross the road? Why couldn't the pervert cross the road? Because his dick was in the chicken's ass!