Cause jokes
Once I went to a museum and overheard someone speaking to an employee for information.
"These are lying clocks, they tell how many lies a person tells."
"Oh, cool."
"This is Mother Teresa’s clock; the clock hasn’t moved because she never lied."
"Makes sense."
"This is Abraham Lincoln’s clock. The hands only moved twice, indicating he only lied twice."
"Where’s Trump’s clock?"
"Oh, we’re using it as a ceiling fan."
And then I burst out laughing 'cause it’s so true.
Why did the cow smell?
'Cause the horse gave it a pat on the back.
What’s another name for a cow?
You... cause you're fat.
Health commercials be like:
Serious side effects can cause:
Nausea, diarrhea, vomiting, chills, fever, cancer, diabetes, AIDS, chlamydia, lupus, Ebola, polio, leprosy, pulmonary edema, heart attack, heart failure, yellow fever, but worst of all, DEATH!
Why couldn't the toilet paper cross the road? Cause it got stuck in the crack.
*If you don't get it, it got stuck in the butt crack.*
Memes
reddit ts
Did you know there was food on the plane that caused 9/11?
It was the bomb.
Why can't orphans go to Family Dollar?
'Cause they don't have a family.
Do orphans love doing crime?
'Cause they want to be wanted.
Why can't an orphan play kickball?
Because they can't hit home.
Why can’t an orphan go on a field trip?
'Cause they need a parent's signature.
My Friend: Why does Santa look like that?
My 15 Year Old Friend: He has secateurs cancer...
Me: I heard it's because he comes once a year.
*Everyone Looks at me*
Roses are red, violets are blue, You'll suck my dick 'cause I'm stronger than you.
It's this girl named Deaf, what a weird name, but I know that 'cause I was ear hustling.
But anyway, everytime I call her, she doesn't answer. I wanna clap some cheeks tonight, how could she hate me when she don't know me?
Why is it wrong to put a beef or turkey patty in a burger?
'Cause it's a ham-burger, isn't it?
Why does this stingray's wife can't stop babbling?
'Cause she can't watch her mouth.
Stephen Hawking couldn't make it to Heaven because there were stairs, so he rolled down to Hell.
Why couldn't the chicken cross the road? Why couldn't the pervert cross the road? Because his dick was in the chicken's ass!
Why did Hitler say "nein"? Because he just got raped, bitch!
Me playing a game...
What did God just stop? Are hearts cause we didn't kill each other.
Like if that was good.
Robin asks Batman what he is getting his parents for Christmas. Batman gets mad, slaps Robin, and runs off crying.
Now you know why Batman Beyond was born when Bruce died. cause of death: suicide