Cause jokes
Why was the orphan kid bad at school? Because he wanted a phone call home.
What's the difference between me calling my girlfriend a pedophile and her calling me one?
Oh wait, I am because she's 10.
When you're mad, you might as well just punch an orphan because what can they do, tell their parents?
September 11th is the superior birthday because no one forgets it. #flexingonyoubitches ;)
Answering a knock at my door, I see a vacuum cleaner salesman who proceeds to tip a huge bucket of shit all over my carpet, before proclaiming any trace this hoover doesn't remove I will personally eat myself.
"Well, I hope you're hungry," I replied, "'cause they cut off my electric this morning!"
What’s another name for a cow?
You... cause you're fat.
Why did the cow smell?
'Cause the horse gave it a pat on the back.
Why couldn't the toilet paper cross the road? Cause it got stuck in the crack.
*If you don't get it, it got stuck in the butt crack.*
Health commercials be like:
Serious side effects can cause:
Nausea, diarrhea, vomiting, chills, fever, cancer, diabetes, AIDS, chlamydia, lupus, Ebola, polio, leprosy, pulmonary edema, heart attack, heart failure, yellow fever, but worst of all, DEATH!
My mom asked, "Why are you so depressed? It could be worse. You could be Tracy Latimer."
I replied, "I wish I were Tracy Latimer because then someone would kill me."
Did you know there was food on the plane that caused 9/11?
It was the bomb.
Roses are red, violets are blue, You'll suck my dick 'cause I'm stronger than you.
Do orphans love doing crime?
'Cause they want to be wanted.
Why can’t an orphan go on a field trip?
'Cause they need a parent's signature.
Why can't an orphan play kickball?
Because they can't hit home.
Why can't orphans go to Family Dollar?
'Cause they don't have a family.
Why is it wrong to put a beef or turkey patty in a burger?
'Cause it's a ham-burger, isn't it?
My Friend: Why does Santa look like that?
My 15 Year Old Friend: He has secateurs cancer...
Me: I heard it's because he comes once a year.
*Everyone Looks at me*
It's this girl named Deaf, what a weird name, but I know that 'cause I was ear hustling.
But anyway, everytime I call her, she doesn't answer. I wanna clap some cheeks tonight, how could she hate me when she don't know me?
Why does this stingray's wife can't stop babbling?
'Cause she can't watch her mouth.