My pencil sharpener when I bleed:
And I don't really care how bad it hurts. Cause you broke me first.
Dad: Son, who do you want to marry when you grow up?
Son: A ugly girl.
Dad: Why not a pretty girl?
Son: A pretty one might run away.
Dad: So an ugly one might too.
Son: Yeah, but who cares?
Everyone loves orphans,
other than their parents of course.
The orphan: why don't my parents love me? Me: because you don't have any.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
A little kid was lost, and he asked me to find his home. I love working at the orphanage.
The moment when she tells you: "I'm a virgin. Be gentle!" And you tell her, "Don't worry, I used to work with kids."
Are you an orphanage?
Why?
Because I wanna put my kids in you.
An orphan's first word would be "orphan keeper."
He is looking for children. If you don't know who EDP445 is, look him up.
Be careful around EDP445.
Why did the Polish urologist cut his cock off with a knife?
To take care of his erectile dysfunction.
Be careful what you say around Indians, the red dot means they're recording.
Little Johnny was playing outside and steps on a honeybee. His dad sees this and says, "I saw what you did and for that, you get no honey for two weeks." Johnny replies, "I don't care, I don't like honey anyway." About fifteen minutes later, Little Johnny is playing with the butterflies and rips the wings off of one. His dad bursts out and says, "I saw that, and for it you get no butter for a month." Little Johnny replies, "I don't care, I don't like butter anyway." Both Little Johnny and his dad go in for dinner. Johnny's mother sees a cockroach on the ground and steps on it. Little Johnny looks and smiles and says, "Do you want to tell her or should I?"
What's the difference between my phone and my sister?
I actually give a damn if my phone dies.
Why does an orphan go to church? So they can call someone father and be loved.
I have the best life coach ever, because he taught me to not care. He did it so well that he died last week, and I still don’t care.
What's the difference between intelligence and apathy?
I don't know! I don't care!
"Why is it that orphans only play tennis?""That's the only love they can get..."
On a scale of Johnny Depp having an erectile dysfunction to Michael Jackson exposing himself in a child day care center, how hard is it to get into Oxford?
Why was Sally at the hospital after her parents left? Because they put her up for adoption.
