Car jokes

What color is your Bugatti?

Did you see that car crash today where the guy got the entire left side of his body cut off?

He's all right now.

A man died and went to heaven. Every time you cheat, you get a worse car.

The first man cheated 5 times; he got a Jeep. The second man cheated 3 times; he got a BMW. The third man never cheated; he got a Lamborghini.

The second man saw the third man sad. He said, "Why are you sad?" The third man said, "I saw my wife with a scooter."

Why did the kid cross the road?

Because he wasn't wearing his seat belt! 😂

How many hookers fit in a Cadillac?

About 4 in the trunk if you stack 'em right.

I saw an orphan on the street. I said, "Where are your parents?" He cried and said, "My mum and dad died in a car crash!" 😆😆😂😂🤣

You know you're fucked when the speed bump screams.

I was visiting an orphanage and started to pull in close to the building. My car hit 3 speed bumps, and it caught me off guard. I got out of my car, looked under my tire, and saw three orphans wedged in my tire. I started to get worried, but then I thought to myself... nobody will miss them.

I’m going back to the house to get some stuff for my dad, and then I’m going to have a car and a birthday party come up for the weekend at the end of the week. I was going to get my birthday cake for the day.

I pushed a kid in a wheelchair and said, "Hot Wheels!"

Here’s one for the Aussies: What’s the difference between an echidna and a police car? All the pricks are on the inside.

Hey, my sister said you're Mattick, so I decided to swim with her and she threw a ball at me, so I went to my dad and she said, "Why did you tell dad?" She was crying because I’m not getting a car seat.

Two natives sit in the bar getting shit-faced.

Almost closing time, "Brother, you gonna snag?"

"Yeah, I'm taking her home."

He walks over, she gathers her things. Walking out together, he takes her to his car outback. They stay messing around then start having sex. He starts to get carried away. He looks down at her. She looks up at him and says, "Slow down, cousin, you're going too fast..."

I ran over an emo yesterday? I wanted to let him see pitch black.

I threw a lamp at an emo? I tried to lighten up his day.

I like my women like I like my traction control: disabled.

What's the last thing to go through a fly's head as it hits a car's windshield at 100 mph?

Its ass.

I was driving a car and a fat person was crossing the street. When I swerved my car to miss her, I ran out of gas.

Luckily, his funeral was a closed casket, sorry, his car blew a gasket.

When they say you live by the sword, you die by the sword, not in Paul Walker's case. He lived by the car, died by a tree. Well, I guess the car was stumped.

Why was Elon Musk unable to land a job as a television host at NBC?

His own car cannot catch up with Jay Leno's Corvette!